I have recently felt extremely blah and off with my spirituality and my path. Things were going well with my career and day-to-day life. But spiritually speaking, I felt stuck. I mean, there was quite a bit of time there where I would just veg out on my days off watching episode after episode on Netflix and scrolling through page upon page of my dash on Tumblr not getting much done at all with myself spiritually and everything. I could have been doing something but I wasn’t motivated to do anything.
I was very stuck. Though, honestly I still feel a stuck, just not as much as before. I needed to do something to get out of my funk. I didn’t have a real direction to go as nothing inspired me enough to go down this path or that one. I was lost and needed direction again.
It sounds silly thinking about it now and even writing it out, but I was stuck. I was stagnant and not moving in any direction. I was lost. This winter seemed to take quite a lot more out of me than it usually does. Part of that was due to some of my roommate’s and my astral life and dealings there just getting me down more than I let on.
Another part was due to a little astral-post-partum I suppose, which is a story all its own. And a huge part was that I just didn’t know what the fuck I was doing with myself any more.
I decided that I needed to get out of my funk. I needed to find my way again and figure out what path was right for me. I was tired of not knowing what I was doing any more.
In order to do all that, I set up a little plan for myself to get reacquainted with myself and my path. I set it up for myself as a little mini at-home meditative retreat. The plan was to get up early and meditate several times in the day, do yoga, study, avoid Tumblr and Netflix and technology in general, read a bit, and eat a bit healthier.
My spring break was perfect for this since I wouldn’t need to leave to go to class. I got everything ready Monday and eased into things that evening. I got up early (and on time mind you) did my meditation and yoga. I got showered and had my breakfast before I ended up taking a two hour nap that morning. But honestly, that was not that bad considering I was moving and studying and meditating around 11.
Of course the only day I managed to get up that early was that Tuesday. Every other day I slacked at the up early. I did my yoga for a few days and multiple meditations. I even got my butt out of the house and back to Psychic Development Class at my favorite New Age shop. And while the whole thing wasn’t perfect, there were things that did get moving for myself some more.
All in all, there were parts that really helped me get out of my funk more. One of those things being that the weather finally got nice enough I could open the porch and sit out there with the cats and just breathe fresh air. Fresh, spring air is one of the best rejuvenating things. It helped me feel a bit more alive again.
One of my meditations, in particular, seemed to help with this as well. I decided to go visit Mother and ask her for help and advice. What am I supposed to be doing? Where do I need to take my path? Anything to get out of my funk. She mostly listened as I rambled on in my self-pity. But then she had me plant a seed. She wouldn’t tell me what the seed was, just that I needed to plant it and help it grow.
She told me I need to check it frequently and I would find out what it is soon enough. She also told me, as frustrating as it was, that I could be whatever it was that I wanted to be. That my path could be whatever I wanted. My purpose was what I made it. I just had to decide what all that was and make it happen.
Then she made me do another thing before my meditation with her ended, but it was probably one of my more successful meditations I have had in a while. Several others proved to be beneficial though it was much the same. I needed to figure out what I wanted and I could make it all happen.
No wonder my cards were being ornery shits too the weeks before. They were already pointing in this direction that I just needed to make a decision about what I wanted. It wasn’t about what Mother or Papa or even the Morrigan wanted for me or had planned for me. It was about me making the decision to move forward and figure out what I wanted.
I am still not 100% sure what it is I want. I think I have a general direction for the mundane and spiritual sides of my life. I settled in knowing I need to finish this one area I have been working on for about a year now that I should have finished around now but will have to extend. I can start there at least. Work on incorporating that into my path.
I am still figuring things out for myself and probably will be continuing to do so for quite some time, but I at least feel like there was some progress made this past week, even if I didn’t get all the answers I was wanting.
And upon returning more to the world of technology I have decided that I needed to try starting a new blog. I needed a fresh start but I was not about to delete old blogs or accounts to do that. Not ready for that stage yet. But a new place to write out these things as I go along would be helpful.
I am still taking a break from Tumblr as it can be just a sink hole in my development, but here I can write things out and maybe feel less stuck. Maybe be able to talk about things I try to avoid saying on Tumblr or elsewhere.
This will hopefully be something new and different for me. It is a new season, a new start. And I guess The Fool card was perfect for this month. I am setting off on a new stage of my journey and path and refreshing my path.