I have been really bad about meditating lately. After I had my spurt of a couple weeks of high octane whatever the hell it was work and stuff with Cerridwen, I sort of teetered off. Personally, I got in a spot too where it just wasn’t going to happen either. I don’t know. Got busy and other shit and I just couldn’t settle to focus on anything.
Anyway, I have recently been trying to set up a schedule for myself. The school semester is almost over with finals week this next week and then a three week break before summer session. I am happy because at least I got a class scheduled for the summer. But anyway, my schedule I want to work on is in regards to my craft and path development.
I thought, if maybe I treat it like I am taking classes myself then I might get something done that I have always wanted to. Set up a daily, get up by this time, here are these planned segments of the day and here are the “classes” I’m taking during these weeks and so on and so forth, I might be productive again.
For the most part, I figured out what my schedule might end up being. I say might here because I also might just toss it out the window again. A part of me needs the discipline, the schedule, to make sure I do what needs to be done rather than sitting around and just watching Netflix and wallowing in boredom all day long. But a part of me also probably needs a degree of spontaneity. I just have the find the right balance I think.
Last night, before bed, I decided to sit and at least focus on talking with the Morrigan. I didn’t do a full meditation, because, well, I knew I would probably fall asleep faster that way and that was not the point. I have always been able to hear and sense the Morrigan more than any other deity or being for that matter. While I don’t like the term godphone, since it’s just clairaudience tuned to deities, it is actually rather an apt term in this case as I seem to be particularly in tune with the Morrigan, when I decide to pay attention that is.
I tend to ignore her a lot. I tend to ignore a lot of incorporeal beings. I don’t physical hear them so there is nothing to keep be anchored to listening to them hours on end, thank goodness. One time of physically hearing after a particular nasty demonic experience was enough for me to say “No” I don’t want to hear it that way. Though nowadays it probably would not be entirely a bad thing to hear to a certain degree that way. But, I digress.
As I sat there talking and listening to her, she basically told me I was complicating things too much with the whole planning things out. Which, honestly, is very true. It was starting to frustrate me a bit just thinking about it and trying to get it to work out. She said some things would work but other things were just complicating matters too much and I wouldn’t get anywhere. My first step should be starting to get up earlier and sitting down more just to listen and talk to her, or Lugh (even though I don’t hear him like I do her). It doesn’t even need to be full meditations, just tuning in.
I think other things may have been mentioned, but I started to drift. Sometimes my own thoughts make that tuning in process difficult. My mind wanders to different scenarios and what have you and then I have to bring myself back to the conversation at hand. My own thoughts can be so loud in my head that it makes it easier to ignore incorporeal beings but also more difficult to pay attention when I need to. And of course, lying in bed just before sleep does not help the process any either. Sometimes it just makes it easier to fall asleep.