I figured I should write up this little blurb before my classes began.
Last night I didn’t have my usual crystals under my pillow. With the full moon, I decided to cleanse them and charge them in my windowsill. I also tried talking to the Morrigan a bit before bed, but drifted far too quickly to writing a post about astral children or something like that. Most of my random thought processes center around what if scenarios of explaining things to people or possible posts or possible stories I am “writing” in my head, which inevitably results in me never discussing or writing them.
But, anyway. I think she might have said something along the lines of giving me more shit about choosing my own path and I responded back that I needed some form of direction and guidance to know what path to choose for myself. Can’t just tell me to make a decision without giving me any options to choose from. I also think she told me something about paying attention to (
i.e. having sex with) Gerarian, but I more readily ignored that before drifting off to sleep.
Here is the dream, or part of the dream that I remember at least.
I am not sure where I am. A large, almost mansion type building. The room is large, almost a suite. I don’t know why I am here. But I am not alone.
Am I protecting him or is he protecting me? Or is it a her that is there? At different points the relationship seems to change. The other person seems to change, but I am the constant me. Sometimes they look like her, my ex, and I am protecting her, like I am her body guard. But other times it is him, and he may be the one protecting me. It isn’t clear in the dream and it far less clear out of it.
But there is a moment of closeness, intimacy. Their arms are around me from behind, hugging me close. Trying to keep me safe and calm. I give in, in that moment together and bask in that feeling before the dream shifts or ends or gets lost in the waking.
Sometimes these dreams are the most annoying to having. The most heartbreaking to wake up from. Those feelings that can seem so real in the dream and only to wake up with the phantom effects and sensations. To only have those phantom dreams makes these things so much more difficult and painful. These are the feelings that are harder for me to ignore and pretend like they don’t exist.