Last night I decided it would be a good idea to sit and have a chat with the Morrigan. I have periodically been doing little divination readings for myself about the whole devotion thing, but I haven’t quite talk to her about it. Mostly because she gets cranky and everything during some of my meditations when I ask her things. Part of that is because she wants me to make my own decisions about things and doesn’t want to influence my decision on things so she has been more distant.
When I sat down last night, once I focused in, I started asking her whether she did want me to devote myself to her. Her short response was essentially that it is my decision and if it is something I want then yes. It is not something she wants to force me to do.
It honestly makes sense that I do so. I have been working with her directly for a few years now. The part of me that hesitates is because I honestly don’t think I would be that great of a devotee (in general not just concerning the Morrigan). I am irreverent as fuck. I am a stubborn ass a lot of the time ignoring my abilities and whatever the spirits I work with have to say to me. I don’t leave offerings or show my appreciation as much as I should.
But the part of me, a bigger part, knows that devoting myself would be good for me in multiple ways. It would honestly probably help push me on my path more. It would keep me honest and give me more structure on my path. I don’t see it as a way to absolve myself of my responsibility on my path, but more of a way to share it, to partner more officially in my spiritual development with someone who will help me along my path. If that makes any sense.
After I made it known to her that I will be going through with this, and wish to do so freely of my own will, she conceded that is something she would like and will help me with. For one, I insisted that I can’t have her backing out and distancing herself while I plan this thing (I really want to do some sort of ritual for it, even if it is just an astral ritual). I also think that because I told her outright that I was going to do it she was more inclined to step back in and help out again. I’m still partially annoyed that she did her cranky, distant thing because she wanted me to make my own choice and whatever.
I am working on a set of prayer beads specifically for her. Hopefully the rest of the beads I ordered (a raven skull for the drop pendant, and a triskele triple spiral three way charm for the connector) will come in soon so I can finish it before the new moon when I do plan on doing the thing. That will be one of the dedication/devotional items I will have for this whole thing. I may work on a pocket Altoids altar box for her too. Just little things for now.
We really didn’t discuss much about what it would mean for me or our relationship. I mean, we did, it’s just a little fuzzy because there often gets to a point in meditation where I can’t focus as easily and the details drift. But part of the gist was that there would be a slight difference in things. A speed up of things, as it were. It may affect my metaphysical woo-life more or less than I realize yet, but hopefully it will progress my spiritual path more. It is all something to certainly continue discussing more and more as I go.
We’ll see how this goes in general. Maybe now she’ll be more upfront and willing to discuss things and how this whole devotee relationship will go in the future. My idea of it may be different than hers and it is likely a far different one than what other people may think of. Or maybe not. It will certainly be an adventure.