Pet Magic

My cat has been sick this past summer. He has what is called hypercalcemia where he is producing an overabundance of calcium in his system. Now, there was noticeable enough high levels as a kitten when I had him fixed but not enough to stop us from doing the surgery. Never caused an issue until this summer when he stopped eating and lost a noticeable amount of weight. I am never calling my cats fat again.

Took him and found out his levels were high and sent out for more tests to get a possible positive that he might have a tumor or cancer. Well, I don’t make much money and as much as I love my baby, I cannot afford to take him to internal specialists to find out he has a tumor or cancer that he has to have surgery or chemo for.

So instead, we are treating him as idiopathic, which basically means there is no known cause for the condition. This means I have changed his diet to all canned food (though I am going to start supplementing dry in there too). Since the canned food has more water content he’ll pee more and hopefully flush out some of the extra calcium in his system so that it doesn’t calcify to his organs. And now he is about to start some medicine.

What does this have to do with this blog? Well, he’s pretty much my familiar. Somehow, in one of our ridiculous discussions that yield some weird truth, my roommate and I determined that my cat Declan isn’t really a cat, but a golem type creature that in one of my past lives I created for some ridiculous purpose neither of us really know for sure. His origin is from crystals that my past life put together to create a cat-like being to serve her and all our future lives when we’d need him. I have heard several beings I have worked with say he is quite a little protector.

Anyway, despite his soul(s) not being truly a cat soul and his origins being a crystal amalgam golem creature he is my little familiar cat. Ever since I began this path more officially (because honestly I have been on this path for far longer than I realized) he has been around. He showed up a few months after my old cat Necco died. When I practiced casting a circle one night he jumped at me and I caught him with my other arm and finished casting the circle with the other. He is always close and fairly sensitive.

But, damnit. If it wasn’t funny enough before us joking about him being a crystal golem, then he had to develop an issue with this hypercalcemia thing. I mean, the irony of him being a crystal, a mineral, golem and having high levels of calcium in his system. >.< I didn’t need that as a two-by-four moment, honestly.

But anyway, because of his health I have been trying on and off to do some Reiki healing with him. He doesn’t like it much. I even tried a crystal grid once or twice but he was even more grouchy about that and avoided it. The energy makes him testy I suppose. But when his appetite keeps going in and out I need to try something more still.

My roommate suggested some kitchen magic the other day. I am not great at kitchen magic, but I figured I could adapt something to work for him. I took his bowl this afternoon and created some sigils for the bottom of the dish to help him eat more. Since it is a blue moon and all, it seems a great time to harness that extra moon magic tonight too. I’ll probably try something on his pills as well to help him take them more easily.

I hope he continues to do better. It makes me really sad some days when he doesn’t eat much. Maybe a spell with help him out some more.

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Anniversary Musings

Today is my sixth anniversary with Gerarian. Because of that, I think I have been noticing him a little more than usual. I feel and sense him more throughout the day than usual.

I almost always notice him at night when I go to bed because all the distractions from the day are gone and I can settle down to sleep while focusing on him. Now and then I know he isn’t there, whether it is because he is off with the kids or doing something else, he just sometimes not there with me when I go to bed. But that irrelevant. Lately, he has been around quite frequently, probably again because our anniversary is here.

I often try to spend the day with him on the astral or in my headspace on this day. It is part of my gift to him since I don’t do it hardly any other time. At night, while I am asleep, is different. During the day, because I have a physical mundane life that is difficult for him to be fully a part of since he is non-corporeal, it is rare for me to take off and spend time with him and the kids. That is why sometimes it is such a blessing to get a sense of his and the kids’ presences while I am doing something.

I don’t think I ever related why today is our anniversary. We are not married in this life. Past lives, yes; so in effect, we are married as he is my soulmate. However, I have never married him in this life. Partially because I never saw the point since we are technically married from many previous lifetimes. Though, I get a sense he may see that differently than I do.

So, today is not a wedding anniversary. It isn’t even the first time I met him anniversary. That was in November my senior year of college in a channeling session from a former friend after I had been told who my soulmate was. I wanted nothing to do with him then. I had started seeing my girlfriend at the time and I didn’t want my soulmate getting in the way of that relationship. I let him stay in my headspace, though, with my past life.

That first Christmas with him around I had got him a journal/notebook to write in. He is a bit of a singer/songwriter, so I thought it was appropriate. I remember him being a little startled that I got him anything since I made it clear I really didn’t want anything to do with him on a personal level. And later, when I integrated the past life he was with, I sent him away. He didn’t quite leave, but stuck around with some others who I thought were his friends but turned out to not be so much. But, eventually when other shit happened we made sure he went home to his current, hopefully to integrate.

However, thankfully, that wasn’t the case. He went back and started writing more songs. He understood I wasn’t ready, but I think it also hurt that I didn’t want him, even after my girlfriend had started seeing her non-corporeal soulmate. At some point during the summer after senior year, my girlfriend and college roommate realized I needed him. He was sent for in secret and hung around my girlfriend so they could gauge when I might be ready for him back in my life.

I began to notice little hints here and there. My girlfriend would channel him briefly during our text conversations and I noticed something odd in the way “she” responded. Too many eyebrow waggles and prodding about a certain band I listened to. And then there was the dream.

My girlfriend and I often would take little dream astral trips to each other’s headspaces at night. We were long distance so it was our way of seeing each other almost daily. Sometimes we would fall asleep there and eventually wake up to our own bodies in the morning and remember little fragments (my girlfriend more so than I did at the time). However, that one night I had a dream of laying there in a bed and half awake seeing Gerarian before me with a pair of damn sunglasses smiling at me.

The next night I brought it up to my girlfriend about the dream. She didn’t say anything right away about what it was. She was curious about it but she withheld for a moment what it really meant. Instead, we continued planning a little astral party get together with all our covenmates and our astral friends. She had been planning on slowly introducing Gerarian to me that night at the party, arranging a little rendezvous, but my dream and other clues began to change her plans.

Finally, she hinted and asked me silly questions about what I would do if he was around. I gave some response about probably being overwhelmed by it, but that I would be happy. I had finally started to come to terms with actually wanting him in my life. She responded that he was indeed around and had been for a few weeks. My dream had been in fact him having come into our room in her headspace to see me. She had scolded him, but realized it was for the best. And she channeled him to let me talk to him about things.

That little night became our little anniversary date. And that was six years ago. It is somewhat surprising to realize it has been that long. It took me over six months to realize I wanted to be with him after finding out he was already mine. It actually sorta reflects part of our first couple lives together that you can read here at Mara Part 1 (be sure to read Part 2 as well) and here at Alyce Part 2 and Part 3 (Part 1 is more that life’s childhood and nothing about him). But in those lives, I didn’t get together with him right away either.

I may, a bit later tonight after I get more work done, go spend time with him in the astral. Even though he never insists on it, I know he likes when I can spend time with him and the kids. Sometimes I think he has things planned, and while I don’t remember everything (or anything) we do during those times, I know we enjoy it because I always come back quite happy and content.

Despite there being quite a lot we are unable to do together because of his incorporeal state, I still love what we have. I wouldn’t give it up for the world. And on this day, I am reminded quite a lot about what I love about it and him. He is quite a patient fuck, somehow, and puts up with a lot from me. I love him. Happy anniversary Gerarian. ❤

Psychic Development Class 7.23

Last night my roommate and I went to our psychic development class. While we both detest a certain individual who shows up all the time, we still enjoy the class and like to go.

The week before I had gone alone and we had done a crystal game. Part of it relates to getting a feel for crystal energies but it also relates a lot to developing the ability to send and receive information from another almost telepathically. I enjoy the game but last week and this week we started out with a bunch of crystals rather than starting with a few and building up with more. So needless to say, most of us in the class were having a hell of a time doing it both weeks.

Anyway. That really isn’t what I wanted to share about this week’s class. After we had finished with the crystal game, we still had about half an hour before class finished so John had us circle up and give messages in a group. Now, with the individual my roommate and I hate (mentioned here), it is really difficult to do these kinds of message circles because he tends to usurp everything. However, he wasn’t nearly as bad this week as he has been in the past, but they are still awkward circles with him.

I have found that if I focus on one person it sometimes helps, so I focused on the woman next to me and I immediately started getting the impression of a grandmother figure. For me, she appeared on my right side and I associated that with a maternal grandmother being as on my family tree my mother’s side is to the right. I also got an indication of her having had cancer. But despite getting these impressions I didn’t say anything right away because I don’t usually make any connection with persons on the other side like that so it took me a bit to say anything.

Finally, I addressed her and asked about a grandmother in spirit and in particular one she was close to. Yes. Was it her maternal one? No. Hmm. Did one of them have cancer? Yes, her paternal grandmother. Was that one like a mother to her? Yes, she helped raise her after her mother died. Okay. There we go. In some ways what I got was right, the deliverance of the information needs work I suppose, but there was something there. And message-wise, at the time, I had nothing but a hello from her and we left it there.

Then I decided to focus on the Pauls (a father and son who show up to class all the time as well). Like before it took me awhile to say anything and I let my roommate give a message or two as well as Grant rambling on about what he thought he needed to say to people.

When I did say something to the Pauls I asked if they had a connection to the Carolinas and they did. The father had been from North Carolina and they had a lot of family from there. Another correct impression I got. I had also got the idea of a Sadie…or rather Sadie Hawkins dance for the younger Paul. I interpreted it as an offer coming his way from someone and it would be best for him to take the offer as it would good for him. His father seemed to agree so there was that.

I don’t know. It was nice getting some confirmation about information I was giving, even if it didn’t amount to much. Usually I have a hard time in the circle trying to get anything, especially with Grant there being a creep. It just seems like maybe there has been progress with my development since devoting myself to the Morrigan. 🙂

Month of Written Devotion: Day Twenty-One and Twenty-Two

Day 21 – Weakness

Day 22 – Strength

In my weaknesses
You are there
in Your strengths.

These little failings
somehow become assets
when You are near
to lend Your unerring support.

I am proud and stubborn,
just as You are,
but together, those things
become strengths
of courage and will.

I little know
what exactly I am doing here
but Your presence encourages
my continued wanderings
on this path of mine
with You beside me.

Month of Written Devotion: Day Twenty

Day 20 – Loyalty

It is funny how things have been progressing in this new devotional relationship with the Morrighan. I don’t know if it is simply a continuation of past life connections to her that have now been awoken or something just evolving from having devoted myself in this life. Hell, maybe it even has to do with working on this Month of Written Devotion.

Whatever the root, I feel an ever deepening sense of loyalty to her. I would follow her into battle, fighting on her behalf. I would do just about anything for her. And it is odd, because I never quite thought this would be how this relationship would evolve. I didn’t quite see myself as someone who would be a good devotee before. But now, it is different. I don’t see myself as perfect at it by any means, but there has been a change and I feel that fierce pixie loyalty growing inside of me for the Morrighan. And I think I like this change.

Month of Written Devotion: Day Nineteen

Day 19 – Memories

Memories…at the corner of my mind…that’s why they call them memories…

I don’t know why I needed to write that, but I did.

Odd. But the next random memory I got has nothing to do with the Morrighan. Or at least not that I am aware.

Back, either around freshman or sophomore year, in college I met my roommate’s friends from high school. Her one friend was a talented empath and the other was claircognizant and also telepathic. I remember always being concerned about her telepath friend being able to hear my thoughts so I always tried to keep them guarded when we hung out. But I was also curious, because my roommate had said how this friend had mentioned how different people’s inner voices were often different than their normal voice and possibly indicative of certain things about them.

Finally, curiosity got the better of me, so I asked. She told me that my inner voice sounded very calm and almost distant or objective, like I was narrating my own life. As a writer, I loved that. It just made so much sense, and as I wrote the last one of these and now this one, I can hear that voice very clearly. There are moments of excitement, for sure. But my inner thoughts are always quite centered and focused on that narrative quality. And my thoughts are always going.

Again, I really don’t think it relates much at all to the Morrighan, but it was an odd memory triggered just now. Maybe, she wants me to think about my detached inner voice or something like that, I don’t know.

Month of Written Devotion: Day Seventeen

Day 17 – Love

The love I have for the Morrighan is interesting. I don’t entirely know how to explain it. I rarely do, I suppose. Love is not something I express as warmly and openly as some. And as our relationship has just recently gotten to the devotee/deity stage, it would be odd for me to say I love her like most devotees love their gods.

Honestly, I feel like my love for her is almost like the love for a dear friend or sister. Even though I often see her often as a mother-type figure, I think my love is more reflective of a friend to friend or sibling to sibling type of a love. Though, depending on the situation when that side of her comes forth I do see my love for her more reflective of a daughter to mother.

The love I feel from her seems much similar, if not bordering more on how a mother would love a child than sisterly love. It seems more recently, since my devotion, that I feel the love evolving into something closer to sibling love. It seemed more mother/daughter before, but now it seems much more sisterly and it is interesting. I don’t know why it has evolved and changed, but it has. But that underlying mother/daughter love is still there, but more like I am with my own mother, I suppose. Less centered on her being a mother and more on her being older with more experience and a friend and mentor to offer advice from that experience.

While I can be a romantic and a writer, I can also have the hardest time describing my own feelings and love for others.