Day 2 – How? How did you become involved in your devotional topic?
The Morrígan’s presence in my life has always been around in some form or shape. I didn’t notice her at first or even think it was her. Even when I first delved into paganism I didn’t find her straight away. It was a probably a long and frustrating time for her waiting for me. She had to eventually go through someone else to tell me to pay attention to her.
The first thing I can think of being her presence is in the guise of Morgan le Fey from Arthurian. While she isn’t explicitly tied or even truly related to the Morrígan, Morgan le Fey does share some qualities and some authors do make the connection to her. Even while Morgan le Fey is King Arthur’s adversarial half-sister, she is also someone who meets him at his death at the healing isle of Avalon. Her adversarial role pushes him further in his journey and quest in the legends. She fascinated me and I absolutely loved the depiction of her in Mists of Avalon. But that is a very subtle connection to the Morrígan.
A more concrete presence of her was in the form of a raven oracle card. My mom brought home a deck of Medicine Cards that she borrowed from one of her girlfriends who was very into Goddess spirituality. My mom showed me the deck and how to pick the card that represented me or whatever lesson I needed work on. I pulled the Raven. I actually don’t think I was too thrilled at it though, but reading it made some sense.
Later, when I went to college, I came up with a little story concept about wings. I asked several friends about it, prompting them with the idea that everyone has wings and those wings reflect their soul. My future college roommate picked butterfly wings and I, in my extremely emo angsty phase, saw mine as large black feathered wings that dripped blood. Over time my conception of them did not possess the blood dripping aspect anymore.
But during my years at college, dealing with demons and everything, I could feel them at my back. If I felt even the glimmer of something wrong in the area as I walked back to my dorm, I could feel the wings unfurl and expand around me. They acted as a threat, as intimidation for whatever might be there. My clairsentience was never the best, but I sometimes took cues from my college roommate and other times it was just a feeling of something off even if I wasn’t able to say for certain what it was. Sometimes it was probably just paranoia, but those wings made me feel safe again.
I eventually realized those wings were not my own. Mine, being part-pixie, were delicate fairy wings. But I learned about an angel who I was once close to in previous lifetimes whose wings would have been similar to the way I pictured. I began to assume they had been his all along, once he made his appearance in our coven’s life. I still continued to feel them like those large black-feathered wings, and he, being the only thing I knew, had to have been the cause. Now, I honestly think it was a combination of the Morrígan and of Z, sometimes a trade off as to who was looking after me at the time.
The Morrígan gave me warnings in college too, though. My freshman year, walking to class or breakfast, I saw them. Three crows/ravens flying and cawing right in front of me. Every time I got near they flew a little further ahead of me, but remained along my path. I remember feeling a distinct sense of worry, something was off. Something bad was going to happen. And eventually they flew off, but the Morrígan is always seen as a group of three sisters and looking back, those three crows were a good a sign as any that she was there warning me. It was later that night I got thrown into something that would change my life forever and can be read about here.
After that, I was always wary of the crows. I thought that every time they showed up there would be trouble and something bad happening. It wouldn’t be until much later that I recognized them more for their symbol of change than danger itself. They, and the Morrígan, were heralding changes for me.
While I had a friend in college who was pagan, I never really looked into anything myself until I broke ties with my very Catholic college roommate (I was raised Catholic too). Once those ties were broken, though, I began delving into Wicca and paganism. However, the Morrígan didn’t show up right away. When I sat down in meditation to meet a deity other than Mother or Papa for the first time, it was Helios and then Hekate and Persephone together. And because I started out in the Greek/Hellenic Pantheon, I was going to finish what I started and meet most of the deities there. It took me close to a year if not more meeting and greeting the different deities I knew quite a bit about already.
The books I read, referenced other gods and goddesses of other pantheons. One author mentioned frequently his devotion to Macha and the rest of the Morrígan. It intrigued me and I was curious about them, but I was also hesitant because I didn’t want what I read entirely influencing meeting them. And since I was sticking with the Hellenic Pantheon at that point, I wasn’t about to go dive into another cultural pantheon until I was done with the first one.
That wasn’t her plan though. My current roommate had been spending time meeting with different deities as well. It was during that time she was working with hers that she was shown how a couple deities were ever present in her life and in mine. And that was when she met the Morrígan. Meritinpu told me about it and I didn’t really take much note, but apparently the Morrígan had gotten impatient enough that she had had my friend tell me about her presence in my life so I would actually sit down and meet with her.
Shortly after that, I sat down for a little new moon ritual and met with Hekate before being told someone else was there to talk to me. And the Morrígan had that exasperated, “Finally!” moment. After that I could feel her so much more than anyone else. I have known Gerarian for years but I don’t always notice him, but the Morrígan was almost more of a physical presence at that point. I could hear her more clearly too. Her approval that I was finally letting her in and she could begin whatever work she wanted with me.
I probably would have continued to ignore her, or avoid her, before she showed up to my roommate to tell me she’d been around. The Celtic Pantheons are confusing and I wasn’t very familiar with it at all, despite feeling a pull to Celtic cultures. I was going to stick with what I knew and hold off on them for awhile. But ever since I let her in and acknowledged her it has been a rewarding journey.