Day 27 – Balance
This seems appropriate right now.
I understand the need for balance all too well, though I don’t always manage it in my own life. There is always a little push and pull here and there between whatever the binary happens to be. It is is a constant process. The scale tilting this way or that when something is offset just a little and the need to counterbalance it.
My work with the Morrigan is very much a spiritual focus. I don’t always spend the time on my spiritual and general metaphysical work as I ought to. And it at times leaves me feeling quite unbalanced. But then there are times when I will spend too much time on that side of my life. Though, that tends to be a rarer occurrence these days.
Right now, I feel like I need to be working on balance in my life. Balance between my mundane life and my metaphysical one. Between my spiritual and physical life. I have been quite busy with teaching lately, and I have been doing a poor job utilizing my time more wisely to give myself ample time to grade and plan classes and to do witchcraft and my spiritual practices.
And I will cycle back at some point to working heavily on spiritual things again when the semester ends or when I am given only three classes to teach. Hell, I don’t even do that great of a job right now on my “mundane teaching life.” I am still behind on grading and I have Midterm grades to post this week. I procrastinate like no other, especially on things I need to do…like my spiritual work.
I have neglected it a bit. Used the excuse that I am too busy, when really it is just procrastination and bad time management. Watch Netflix all afternoon rather than grade or do something related to my path. I’ll look at my altar before bed and just walk past it before hopping into bed to watch one more episode.
And while I feel like I am making a tangent off of the Balance subject, I feel it is necessary to make. I am avoiding something. Not even entirely sure what that is, but I can feel that is what I am doing. I haven’t even felt too terribly off-balance lately, but I know I’m not where I am supposed to be. I know I am not doing what I should be doing. But I still just turn away from my altar, as prettily set up right now as it is for Halloween and Samhain, without meditating or saying any prayers to the Morrigan and Lugh, or Papa and Mama. And that avoidance is part of my current balancing issue.
I can almost feel it trying to call me out and make me pay attention. To stop ignoring it. Whatever IT is. Perhaps it is the Morrigan calling or Lugh or someone or something else. But it is something. Pulling at my chest. Wanting to be heard and answered.
I should say, too, that since getting the cord and candle’s from Beth I have taken the last couple nights to sit and meditate for a bit. I also started writing posts again. Lugh is a motivator for me (my other candles I use for him is for motivation) and this cord and his new candle have seemed to help me reconnect. And even the Morrigan’s candle, though I haven’t heard her quite as prominently, has helped.
Maybe, hopefully, here in a few days I will be able to find that balance again and maintain it more effectively overtime. Not that the cycling back and forth isn’t a method of balance in and of itself, it just isn’t the balance I am looking for.