Day 18 – Anger
(Note: I skipped this one back when it first came up and figured it was time to do it since I am close to the end of this thing)
The one bad thing about being pixie-souled is that if I am not currently feeling a particular emotion, I can’t quite recall how it feels. Perhaps it is because I can be too analytical about things; my Aquarius air sign taking too much precedent in my chart. Maybe it is because I do such a great job of either burying my emotions or that I can deal with the situations well enough to not have the lasting residual emotion sticking around. And perhaps J.M. Barrie was correct in that fairies only feel one emotion at a time.
It is rather funny, as I started sitting to write this, I saw several posts on my dash on Tumblr about anger. I figure that is a good sign I should actually write this.
For me, it honestly can take a lot of build up of frustrations to get me good and truly angry. I will put up with quite a lot of shit. But when I reach that point where I have had enough, I am done and I will cut all ties that connect me to individuals that have pissed me off. I did that with my college roommate. And for a good long while I was still angry with her and what she had done and caused.
That is probably one of the few cases I can say for sure that I am able to still recall the anger I felt toward her. For the most part that has faded and has been dealt with. Mostly it is a dull annoyance now. And mostly I have forgiven her, but not for everything. Even after four years I don’t know if I could completely forgive her, because even though it is mostly a dull annoyance, I can remember all too well.
With her, it left a deep scar for so many reasons. It tells holds weight on me today. I can tell, by the very fact that thinking about this I can dredge up some tendrils of cold anger that may or may not build into hot anger the more I think about it, that I still haven’t dealt with all my anger and other emotions on the things that happened back then.
But what does this have to do with the Morrighan? Well, I don’t really know at the moment. Perhaps a simple reminder that I need to start working on things like this, and writing about those events, as part of my healing? I can be way too good at not doing those things. She had encouraged me to write more before and a good deal of that does relate to my ex-roommate. So maybe I need to get back on that. 😛