New Year, New Aura

On Sunday my roommate and I got the opportunity to go hang out together and take a trip to our favorite New Age shop where we decided to get our annual aura photos taken. We always do it around our birthday since that tends to be the most opportune time and when we decided to start getting our aura photos the first time.

I actually took the time, this time, to focus on Gerarian and our astral children while I sat in the chair. Out came the picture with a ton of pink again. There is plenty of orange coming in by my hands as well but in the pink around and above me there are lots of white orbs. There is actually about six separate ones that I can see for sure, but there may be more. But as soon as I saw it I knew it was Gerarian and the kiddos. The other one or two orbs…idk. But here is a low quality picture from my phone so you can see it.

So much pink in the actual photo seems to get washed out to look more orange and blurry. Also a ton of white. And then there is the blue there as well. A little violet in the one corner too and some yellow popping through on my left side.

 One of the employee’s there read our photos briefly but she knows us well enough to know we are able to read our own photos.

It was honestly awesome to see this one this year. For a couple weeks prior I had been having a bit of an issue connecting to Gerarian enough to talk to him. My dream put me off so badly I kept stopping myself from being able to hear him. I couldn’t get passed it for longer than I liked. A couple times I decided to write little letters to him. I have done that in the past but not on any consistent basis. It was nice though. Even though I felt like such a mess (shadow work I am sure), it was nice to express my way in a letter to him. I did try speaking to him too, but I couldn’t, or rather wouldn’t let myself, hear him. So I asked for confirmation and I did got a few hints, but this aura photo with them all around was a definite confirmation for me.

I meant to write this up sooner, but I just kept putting it off. Here it is now. Again, sorry the picture doesn’t really capture what the actual aura photo shows, but I haven’t tried taking another image with my DSLR camera yet.

Dream Log 1.22.16

The Context:

Roomie and I stayed up a little later talking about things and when I did go to be I turned on “Planet of the Ood” from Doctor Who that I fell asleep very quickly to.

The Dreams:

The details are mostly gone from my first dream, but the feeling lingers just long enough to recall a few bits. It is outside. There is a tent. We’d headed into it sometime before for some reason and the details before the tent are what has vanished. The tent is supposed to be a relatively safe place. But there is a large group of people that showed up outside of it that were not friendly. They want in or want something. The girl I am with? The one, their leader, is insistent on coming in for a moment to talk and is allowed entrance, but that is when they attacked. With him inside they are able to take down our defenses and the electronics inside. Things go haywire. But the rest of the dream details fade before I can see or remember more…

The second dream is more tangible. I am in a small dorm type room. There is a hallway to more rooms and an alcove where we are. It is comfortable for the four or so of us to be content here. But suddenly the room fills with people. More than can really be comfortable. I am reminded of a curfew check and these people have to file into the nearest room. It lasts a very short time before they begin to file back out again. A few remain. Other roommates perhaps? The sit at computer decks in the middle of the room but I go back to interacting with the original three in the room with me. Two men and a woman. They are familiar. One I am next to I am a bit more familiar with and we talk briefly before he moves away. I start gather my things up for something but I spill a bunch of clear gel balls of different sizes across the floor. I go to scoop them up and the floor is wet, making it hard to find some of the balls. I have to grab from under then desk of one of the other people in the room. I get the balls collected but then I drop them again and have to do it all over again. This time, it draws the other guy’s attention. Our interaction is not a pleasant one. Not related to the balls that had been spilt but something else entirely, but I can’t remember what. When and how he comes to leave I don’t know. And soon after the dream fades and new one begins…

Flights. A hotel room. Something else. I don’t know exactly what happened to the rest of the dream but the details toward the end are easier to recall. I am in a hotel room I think. It is a large suit with multiple rooms. Is this the dream with the cat? Was there a cat? The last thing I really recall is someone coming in with a huge twisted set of keys strung together saying how he thought whoever was in the room had checked out. The keys had been returned. I said no, we had lost ours or given them to a friend but she left town before us so she returned them to the desk for us to pick up. It seemed to make some sense in the dream…

The Commentary:

I feel like there is something missing. Some important detail I am missing and cannot recall. I feel a presence from my dreams of someone familiar but I can’t tell who it is. Did he show up in the dream or what? I don’t know. I just feel like he was there, but I can’t remember who he is.

The first dream had so much more to it but the vast majority of the details have gone. They faded first and were superseded by the later dreams. It seemed more important to remember a bit more.

The second dream I identified the three main roommates as being Gerarian and Mel and my other lover (sometimes I dislike that word). I don’t know who the other guy was or whatever. But yeah. The details stuck more with that dream than the others.

The third dream is rather random in context to the other two but possibly related to my upcoming trip to California in a couple months.

Spiritual Study Schedule Redo…

My original study schedule for myself has not worked out very well these first few weeks so I am revising it. I suppose a part of it is that I was trying to schedule too much of my day. Another part was the my teaching schedule changed a bit on me so I have to work around that differently now.

Anyway. I am going to attempt breaking things down into my daily tasks and then what the them each week will be. So in general, my daily tasks will consist of reading some sort of material related to my practice, meditating at least once a day, offering prayers to my gods, journaling, pulling a tarot card (will switch between divination decks and methods every so often) and some sort of exercise (I eventually want to start walking and then running on a regular basis). I also want to do my Reiki on a more regular basis (not exactly daily but a least once a week) which will be good to incorporate with my shadow work that will be a part of my work this year.

Astral work will be a part of my “weekly themes” as it were. Since the Morrigan is having me work with Manannan on learning about the Celtic Otherworlds, I will be trying to do a lot of that here. Overall, I don’t know exactly what she wants me to do with said knowledge once I have it, but I have a feeling she has a reason behind it. But I also figure I’ll transition into other themes as the weeks go on and I complete that work.

Eventually I want to add in things related to more witchy work like astrology and magical timing, sigil work, numerology, herbalism, and other things. But right now I think this short plan will work best for these next few weeks to cover these few things while I get into the swing of my class schedule and making sure I balance both my mundane teaching stuff and my spiritual life.

But yeah. I just wanted to write something and update things here. I have been wanting to write a lot but I haven’t quite figured out what I want to write more on. I want to share things, but I am never sure what to share. So at least there is this. 🙂

Cailleach and Winter

Had our first real snow today where we live. It has been fairly warm so far this winter so temps finally dropped enough to give us snow instead of rain. We had a small flurry back in November or December but it didn’t last long.

I mention the weather only because I have been trying to do more shadow work lately and one of the tasks from the book* I am using as a guide discusses meeting the spirits of the seasons at certain points. And being as it is winter, I did the journey to meet a spirit related to winter. Seeing as I have been working primarily in a Gaelic polytheistic arena for my path lately, I met the Gaelic goddess associated with winter, Cailleach.

I won’t go into too much detail about who Cailleach is as I don’t think I’ll do much actual work with her. She is a crone/hag goddess who is said to rule the land during winter before either transforming into Brigit or turning to stone for Brigit to take over for the summer half of the year. She is often seen as a creator and ancestral goddess. I found it interesting that her name either means “old woman” or “veiled one.” I have had a past life with a name that had similar meaning to veiled one, but I digress there.

I have never had an issue with the winter season, but I know quite a few do. It is honestly one of my favorites. My current life has quite a few pleasant childhood memories of winter. My birthday is this month too, so I often had snow on my birthday in the past. While I don’t often pay attention to the seasons when I get past life memories, I don’t have any negative memories of the winter. The only thing I don’t like about it now is when I have to drive in bad winter weather and worry about whether my car will make it or if another car is going to slip and run into me (new car this winter so I shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not my car will start from being too cold).

I enjoy the stillness of winter. Things slow down during this time, but there is still activity. The whiteness of the snow that can be blinding and bright even during the time of the year where it tends to be the darkest. There is a lot of harshness to the season but there is also gentleness in the light falls of snowflakes that are each so beautifully unique. There is something magical in a frozen landscape to me.

With sitting with Cailleach the other day, we mentioned this. Part of the idea behind the exercise in the book is to reconcile what issues you may have with a particular season. The other part is to deepen ones connection to the cycles of the seasons in general and what they often represent. But as I don’t particularly have a need to reconcile any dread for the season of winter, it was more decided that I do something to simply deepen my connection.

While I enjoy winter, I try to stay indoors quite often. Now and then I’ll contemplate putting on my boots and talking a walk outside in the snow (if there is any) or even when there isn’t, I will default to sitting around in the warm house snuggled in a blanket and a warm cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. Cailleach has asked me to actually take the time to go outside a little more this winter whether that is just to stand out back as it snows or to go for an actually walk. Which I honestly think I would enjoy a lot, especially to come back to a warm house and warm tea.

Although, I may have to hold off on that until tomorrow as I have to finish getting my classes set up for this week. I have not been getting that done ahead of time like I should have been. But if I have time later today I will try. 😛

(*The book I am using is Penczak’s The Temple of Shamanic Witchcraft.)

Dream Log 1.9.16

The Context:

I ended up watching two movies in bed last night and fell asleep during the second one. They were romantic movies because apparently that is what I have been in the mood for. They were Leap Year and An Affair to Remember with Carey Grant. Sweet, innocuous movies you’d think would have me dreaming cute romantic shit right? Well, apparently not…

There is some minor gore ahead to beware…

The Dreams:

I was kidnapped and held prisoner by someone along with two others. I remember the chains. I remember one of the others was very punk goth looking. I remember she and the other one were a bit cruel at first, but it seemed more like they were trying to keep me from breaking because there was a change in them. I was broken and reverted to a younger mindset. I don’t know what else changed, but they became friends and our captor seemed less bad. I went with him some place and felt more at ease with him and no longer afraid, but something happens and while they try to save me, someone else ends up kidnapping me in an elevator.

Then there was the dream where I recognized more people. Old friends and current. I was hiding someplace. How I could hide there only dream mechanics can explain, but it was beneath something, like a tunnel but not in the ground. And she was there, I think. Was this the dream that Gerarian was in too? Where I knew something terribly sad and tragic was happening? Was this the one  he came to me and everything seemed to come crashing down? I can’t remember what it was. I can’t remember what was said, if anything. I just know the feeling wasn’t good.

Then I was someplace familiar and the people with me were vaguely familiar. I was smoking and something was off. People or children were disappearing. And I remember seeing an opened first aid kit with lots of things missing, used. The person I was with knew who it was that had taken it and where they went, so we went after him. Were we followed or was it that we found him and he was different? She knew what to do and I followed her lead. There were people dead in another room. Something was going to explode. She said she was going in to stop it. He let her, but wouldn’t let me go as well. There were two sets of glass doors with a small room between the room I was in and the room she went into. He was afraid if I went, then she would do something to destroy him in here. But that wasn’t the plan. I took the ribbon/beads to the door. He tried to stop me but I said it was a farewell tradition. I was saying goodbye to her and the others who were gone. Somehow, the trick worked and he followed me into the small room and I escaped back out into the former room again and locked him in. He then went into the other room, mad, and was going to kill the other woman. I sneaked back into the glass door room to watch and lock him from getting in. She threw some sort of trigger and he was caught in the shock of electricity. It appeared to work at first, but something happened and he became a monster. Bloody and mutated. He may have attacked them but what I remember is him running to the room where I was and pushing his way in (doors always fail to lock in my dreams) and attack me. There was an extra gaping mouth in his torso and everything was hideous and monstrous. But I punched and kicked back. I felt them hit something solid.

And then I woke up…

The Commentary:

Honestly, I have a lot of kidnap dreams where things have kinda turned Stockholm syndrome on me. I don’t know why, but they can be weird and disturbing to say the least. And the monster in the last dream was so opposite of what I watched that that just throws me off. If I watched Resident Evil recently I would accept that dream more, but I haven’t watched much monster or gore movies lately.

The dream, whichever dream it was (it could have been another), with Gerarian really bothered me. I think he showed up twice in my dreams but I can only vaguely remember the one where he was close and something was terribly wrong. Something that all I can really remember from it is that it was sad and tragic and not something I want at all. But I can’t remember anything of what it was.

Oh! What a Tangled Web We Weave

My method of spellcasting is different to say the least. At least certain types of spells. The main reason I bring this up is because I recently did one of these tonight and it just gets me thinking about my methods.

I think I am still just a little high off the energy and I probably should ground just a bit more, but the candle is still burning down so I still have some time I think.

For the most part I can’t really explain this process. It is fairly unique to the way I work and do magic. I am sure there are others that cast spells in a vaguely similar manner, but not the quite same.

Now and then I like to do spells like a webweaving. Usually these relate to spells that have to do with relationships between people and when situations surrounding those relationships or individuals causes problems. It isn’t so much about me creating relationships by weaving the web. It is more about untangling them when they do not serve the situation anymore. It is severing the ties and the connections that create problems. Cutting out the lies and deceptions to reveal what must be seen and to remove those obstacles.

I have only done these types of spells a few times now in a physical manner. Sometimes I simply cut threads metaphysically and the results there have been quite surprising. But other times, like this time, I have used a frame to create the twisted web between subjects and then cut the threads that needed cut out.

It is intuition based. I don’t plan it out much in advance. I don’t know what thread colors I will always use and how the threads will connect. I just do it. And hell, they don’t really even look that pretty (though that is sometimes the point). They make sense in the end though. And then I burn the removed threads. What remains in the frame is, in the end, something that is free of the twistedness of whatever caused the problem.

The interesting thing I find about tonight’s working is that after I disposed of the burnt remains, I saw a small white house spider crawl across the brick work on the fireplace where I had my frame leaning and my candle burning. I had recently worked with a spider guide of mine called Weaver. We’d talked the last few nights and after this working which is involves web and thread working, a spider showed up. Coincidence? I have done this stuff too long to accept that as a simple coincidence.

The work I did with Weaver was related to shadow work stuff that I have been avoiding. Some of the exercises from my book relates to shaman medicine retrieval work and since I avoid the lessons from Weaver most of the time that was the medicine I needed to retrieve the other night. Perhaps, aside from my spur of the moment need to do this little spell, it was also a means of integrating that medicine as well.

While the Morrigan is not strictly speaking associated with spiders, in some ways I do see her connected to them. She is associated with fate to me. She is a fate weaver and a fate changer. She is a sorceress and is very much about people taking control of their lives.

My roommate made the comment as she watched me doing my thing, listening to some FU style music selections, how the Morrigan would approve. She said “What would the Morrigan do?” actually and how that should be my motto. I think it seems fitting. What this spell has done is move forward things that are likely coming anyway. Some things just need more of a push. And the Morrigan is quite a lot about giving things, and people a little push.

New Year Resolutions, Reflections, and Plans

I have already mentioned part of these things with my study schedule plan but I figured as a way to keep me more on top of things I would mention them all again more specifically.

This next year I want to make a lot more progress in my personal path and spiritual development. I feel like I have been putting a lot of things off namely shadow work but other things too and I need to do something about it.

Last year during my spring break, I had sat down in a little small retreat with Mother to figure out more of what I wanted out of my path and life in general. That conversation was part of what lead to the Morrigan having me work with Cerridwen and then eventually devote myself to the Morrigan. And things began to progress for me. I have certainly made more progress with things than I probably initially realized, but I want to make sure I continue to move forward and part of that is setting goals for myself.

Last year at this time I wasn’t in the best of places to make a lot of progressive goals. Things happening in my metaphysical woo-life pulled me to a place I didn’t want to be and didn’t quite know how to get out of until I did my retreat. But this year, with things winding down with a certain long-term issue in my metaphysical woo-life, I feel I can really make progress again and set personal goals again.

This year (starting on my birthday at least) will be a personal year 6 for me. It is a year of love, family, home, and responsibility. A lot of focus for this personal year number is on domestic affairs, but there is also focus on balance and harmony. It is a service oriented year.

Personally, I feel this service aspect may relate more to what work I may do with the Morrigan. The astral and metaphysical will always be a part of my life and there is a very service oriented aspect to that. Not just service to my gods, but to the entirety of those that live in this world. I don’t know if my work will relate to just the Morrigan or to all of it yet.

I did a couple Year Ahead tarot spreads for myself. One was oriented at just the spiritual side of things and I got so many Court and Major Arcana cards that I know this year will be fairly influential for me. The overall was the Knight of Wands (the only wand I had in both permutations of the spread) which indicated a journey for adventure. This year will certainly be an adventure, each year is. It is something to look forward to more than previous years I think.

But anyway. I intended to write down some of my personal goals. Some of which I started before the new year and will continue on through the next few weeks. Some on my full list are quite mundane so I will leave those out, like getting into better shape and maybe getting a full-time teaching position.

  • Reorganize and cut down extraneous posts on my tumblr blog (started and also created a new devotional blog to move posts I want to keep in some fashion)
  • Practice my craft more and do more devotional things
  • Organize my witchy supplies and stuff (applies to blog too)
  • Get rid of things I don’t wear or use and donate it (still in the process but already gave some to my mom to see if my niece can use any of it – may not seem spiritual but it is letting go and has its spiritual benefits)
  • Continue writing and maybe finish my memoir blog posts
  • Study Gaelic Polytheism more and the Celtic Otherworlds
  • Continuously study new things for my path and practice (study plan stuff)
  • Cleanse energetic self on a regular basis
  • Do Reiki more for self and others (become Reiki III/Master/Teacher certified?)
  • Learn Lenormand, Rune, and Ogham
  • Continue and finish shadow work
  • Continue working on my Book of Shadows/Grimoire and possibly finish it
  • Read and write more, not just for study but for pleasure

Now that I typed that up I realized I forgot to include the shadow work on my personal list in my bullet journal. Good thing I remembered it here. I have been putting it off for…a long time.

I have also started in my bullet journal a daily tarot section. The aim is to get me to pull cards each day and work on learning the card meanings a bit better because I am considering eventually offering more readings and maybe offering for a fee for extra income (and including distant Reiki services too). When I am through this month I will either continue with this deck for a second month or switch to using the Lenormand and then the Runes next. I think that will be an easier way to work on my divination skills rather than some of my initial plans for my study schedule.

I have seen so many cool challenges over on Tumblr too that I would love to try. Right now I have seen a Grimoire Challenge (for the entire year and different months can stand alone too so that is pretty cool) which I could incorporate into my work with my Book of Shadows. There is also one that I really aim to try and that is a January Shadow Work Challenge. There are journal prompts or what have you with a tarot question/pull, but also a tarot spread that can be done in its entirety for it. Considering I need to work on my shadow work, I figured that would be a good one to work on at some point here.

Oh. And then I saw a challenge for 52 short stories in 52 weeks. Considering I need to write more, I may consider that challenge at some point too. O.o I keep adding things. I am apparently super motivated right now to get a lot done this year.

Starting tomorrow though I need to start working on my classes that start the week after. At this point I am fairly good on setting my classes up since I teach the same class almost every semester, but I do have a new one that I need figure out and get help from a full timer (they don’t provide much on the org for new teachers to borrow from). Anyway.

I am hopeful that this year will be more productive for myself and that I can finally start feeling like I have a more general idea of where it all is heading. Right now, I feel I am on the right path, but I just don’t know where that path is leading. But I am hoping by the end of the year I’ll have at least a vague understanding where that is. 😛