Dream Log 6.29.16

The Context:

Last night I went out for trivia and we swept the floor in all three rounds because it was all music and my mentor is great a music trivia. But I did that last night before coming home to bed where I watched an episode of Orange Is the New Black Season 4. Lately, I have also started dating someone and having some, I-don’t-know-what anxiety. Whether much of any of this related to my dream, I do not know.

The Dream:

Several family members are here. Nieces and nephews. My siblings. And several of my friends. Some event is happening and we are getting ready for it. I wear a red corset under my dress (maybe it is red too, but I can’t recall for sure. I know the corset is for sure). Everyone has left as I finish getting ready, but I find someone, a man, to help adjust the back of my dress. (I know him somehow in the dream and we share some history and supposed trust, but I do not recognize him from my waking life). He helps me and we both head to the event, but go our separate ways.

The event goes on. I don’t know what it is, but in the dream I do. I recognize her at some point as well, but at this point there is no animosity. We are just there at the same event and we vaguely know each other. The event goes well, until a certain point. My failing dress is not the only thing that causes panic and chaos, but the dream doesn’t show me everything.

My dress comes apart from the back. I have to hold it up and keep it wrapped around me. My friends help me and we go to a private area. The rest of the chaos is happening at the same time and the party, the event, has fallen to pieces. I know what has happened to my dress. Sabotaged by the man from earlier. Now there is more realization of our history together. He’s done something else to betray me, and he scares me, but I can’t recall why.

I huddle on a couch with my friends around me. I grab a hold of one’s arm as she comforts me and then I see him appear around the corner. I cannot say anything. He is too highly respected. No one in power would really believe me. But my friends see it, in the way I clutch at her arm and hide from him.

Something clicks for me, and my inner warrior comes out. Whatever else is happening here must stop. I have to stop it before it gets worse. My friends agree to help and we set forth on our mission.

It doesn’t go as well as we hope. She is there again. The man had been helping her and she has taken over. All we can do is run and flee or risk imprisonment or worse. My friends face less risk than I do and they hide me someplace safe but return to their mission.

Time passes, perhaps years, and things seem to have gotten worse in this dream world. My friends have not returned, but not from abandonment or betrayal. And for the first time since hiding where I am, she comes to the area. I try to hide and see her entourage pass close beside me. By sheer luck she doesn’t see me. She’s looked the other way as she comes close. I am relieved, but I know now I cannot sit and wait any longer.

A friend in this area has been helping me, a man, and he guides me to a place where the people there can possibly help me. There are strange blocks of ice or crystal in this area that are much like a glacier. They glow and grow in strange ways. But we are being pursued and hide here. The place disconcerts me but it scares our pursuers enough that we are safe. We continue crossing the crystal glacier and come upon an area of water and people, merfolk perhaps.

We have to be careful, they are not the friendliest of people, my friend tells me. They don’t trust many, especially those from where we are from. But I mess up. I slip and fall into the waters in my rush at some point. They are upon me. They don’t know who I am, yet, but they know enough to want to kill me.

I escape, with his help, and climb up out of the water to speak to them. One has come out of the water with me though, their leader, a fierce woman. I call out to them, though. “I am Princess Althea, and I need your help.” There is a cacophony of noise from all of them. They know who I am now, and I have been missing for years.

The woman grabs me and holds a knife to my throat. She says something that implies she intends to turn me in to her. It would give them freedom and a reward if they gave me up to her. But something changes in her countenance. My people and I had never been her enemy, just the usurper who stole the kingdom. They would help me.

The Commentary:

Half of me has no idea what to really think about this dream. But I guess I’ll break it down based on who I recognized in the dream. I recognize the main “her” from the dream who stole the kingdom. She is someone from my own life that I don’t talk to anymore and someone who periodically still shows up in my dreams in different ways. The men, both the first who betrayed me and the one who is my friend I do not recognize. My family in the dream were all pretty much my family in my waking life though. And my friends. I recognized my roommate in one part and a friend from online (who’s arm I held) and another friend from high school.

I very very consciously remember saying I was “Princess Althea” in the dream too. I don’t often remember names in dreams or even say them. So honestly, that throws me off quite a lot. The whole running and hiding and uprising stuff isn’t unusual for my dreams though (and honestly I have had a few dreams where I was a princess but yeah). The actual name being remembered is interesting to me.

In some ways, I almost think about it being some random past life memory, not that I need any more to be trying to figure out right now. In other ways, I’m like, damn this will be a very fun story to try to write all out whether or not it was just a dream.

Lastly, I am not sure if the whole thing with the man who betrayed me was in some ways related to some of my dating anxieties I am having. It could be, I don’t know. Not that I think this guy I am dating was the guy in the dream (appearances definitely not but also I didn’t recognize my date at all in my dream), but maybe just that weird way that dreams work to make us work through crap in our lives. But, hell, that was pretty highly elaborate and not overly focused on the betrayer guy.

So yeah. I haven’t written down many dreams lately because they have been pretty vague if I do recall them. This one was damn clear and fairly easy to recall all the main bits. Especially the name. :/

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My Anniversary with My Phantom Queen

The other night I realized that the anniversary of my devotion to the Morrígan was coming up quicker than I realized. It was yesterday actually. I meant to do something last night, but that never really happened. But despite that and how busy things have been on multiple fronts, I know I needed to say something here.

Overall, I feel there has been an improvement in my life and in my path since I devoted myself to the Morrígan. I have had quite a few periods of the past year where there were major lulls in my personal practice. The wide gaps in some of my blog posting here can attest to that. But I don’t consider those times to be what some would call fallow times, because, in all honesty, it was my own fault in purposefully ignoring different things and focusing elsewhere. My mundane life had been quite busy this past year as well, making it more difficult to focus on the spiritual and metaphysical sides of things.

However, despite that, I still feel there has been a shift in things for myself. While I still feel like I am wondering around in circles at times on this path, I know I am not alone. She is there beside me trying to guide me to where I need to be. I say try because I am stubborn and will willfully ignore Her despite the constant shouts of “Listen!” She is very much like a deity form of Navi in my life right now, and I think even she is amused by our mutual stubbornness with each other and the comparison to a video game fairy. But she is always there when I call to her. Sometimes, well often, scolding me to get back on track with what she asked of me the last time I talked to her. And I’ll roll my eyes and say okay, but not do it.

She has gotten to work with Lugh again. He is much more subtle in the background of what I do compared to the Morrígan, but he is there as well. She has had me do work with Manannán mac Lir as well. She is having me learn more about astral things and the Celtic Otherworlds (and other ones too mind you) with Him. And while I question the necessity of it, She reminds me that if I do the work, I will figure it out eventually.

So yeah. Overall, this past year seems to feel more like I am heading in the right direction. I have picked up studying more about Gaelic Polytheism to understand more about that aspect of things. I have been working well sometimes working on my shadow work that I need to do most of all. And yeah.

While I didn’t do much yesterday to commemorate the anniversary though, I did make sure to reach out and talk to her as I dozed for a bit during a nap. She mostly reiterated to me about the fact that I need to do my shadow work. I have been putting it off for a few years now and have yet to finish well not really finish as it is really an ongoing process it all. Recently I had been doing more work with it, but the Morrígan made it clear that I need to get through some of this stuff before I can move forward in my path – before She will let me know what is next.

Alright Morrígan, I will listen this time, hopefully. So here’s to another year ahead.

Monthly Tarot 6/1

Sorry it has been a bit since I posted anything of consequence on here. The spring semester at college where I teach was a bit busy for me and I got into the habit of putting off too much of my spiritual work. With the summer a bit more mild in regards to business, I figured it was time to post something again. This being my monthly tarot and a little blurb about what I have been up to.

I have been writing them down in my bullet journal the last couple months even though I haven’t shared them with anyone. This last month has honestly gotten to where I have really started moving again with my practice. Shadow work is going along. I am taking some time to study aspects of Gaelic polytheism. I am not sure if it is an apt description of my practice as of yet, but it is something I am studying as part of devotional activities for the Morrigan. And of course there are numerous astral and metaphysical dealings that have been happening.

Onto my monthly tarot with my Shadowscapes deck.

Week 1: Four of Cups – self absorption, introspection, sinking too deep into one’s concerns, lost in reveries, awareness of the outside fades away

Week 2: Three of Swords – grief and heartbreak, loneliness, separation, isolation, abandoned and betrayed, weeping and pain that is necessary to cleanse and purify

Week 3: II The High Priestess – wisdom, knowledge, learning, intuition, purity, virtue, spirituality

Week 4: Eight of Wands – beginning of a long journey to a goal, great undertaking at hand

Overall: XVI The Tower – catastrophe, sudden change, releasing all emotions, blow to ego, revelation and seeing through illusions, a necessary disrupt to the status quo

The interesting thing here is that last month the Tower, the High Priestess, and the 8 of Wands all showed as well. In different orders, but they were there. As last month, and hopefully this one will be, was when I started setting to work on my path again the High Priestess is an appropriate card to show up again. Even the 8 of Wands with is designation that a new journey on this path. And that shift in focus to my spiritual stuff seems to me like The Tower’s presence.

As far as the the other cards go this month, I had a reading from a dear friend where she discussed the importance of taking time alone to focus on these things but not completely hermitting myself or become so absorbed in it. So I think the 4 of Cups was reiterating that point. And then with the 3 of Swords, all I can think is more shadow work I need to do. 😛

So, we will see how this next month progresses. 🙂