Salve Regina

I meant to write a couple days ago. However, things were busy with my family so I had to postpone this until now.

I forgot to mention in my post here about how in my reading from John, a card indicated looking back on my childhood spirituality and bringing something forward into my current spirituality. Immediately, as he started saying that, I thought about the rosary. I didn’t often say the rosary, but it has always been one of my favorite aspects of my Catholic upbringing.

When I was confirmed my Sophomore or Junior year of college, my aunt (who sponsored me), gave me a gift. She said she knew it wasn’t the prettiest rosary, but it was her mother’s (my maternal grandmother’s). I thought it was gorgeous. It is probably the one rosary I pull out on a consistent basis to look at or old. For one, it was my grandmother’s and it serves as a connection to her. The other reason is that I actually keep it where I can access it fairly quickly.

My grandmother’s rosary.

Anyway, I figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start saying the rosary again as a regular part of my practice. Especially with Lent rolling around Wednesday I can take up the practice for the time period and see how that helps progress my spiritual path.

I am by no means throwing out other aspects of my pagan path. I have always had a great deal of love for my Catholic roots and I just didn’t, for the longest time, really incorporate it into my practice as I have always aimed to. Praying the rosary is very centering and very meditative. It is a way for my to connect with my Catholic ancestors and the tradition of it has always made me feel something. And that is something that I think is important for me right now.

I am actually looking forward to spending some time with the rosary now.

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When I Go All Silver Grey

I have been trying to figure out what my tag #when I go all silver grey means for me the last few months that I have been using it. It has taken me awhile, but some things are coming together little by little.

I have always been the Storm,
the Spark.
Lightning runs in my Veins.
As I grow older,
that Lightning comes out
through my hair in Silver strands.
One day, when I go all Silver Grey,
I will return to that Storm.
The Storm that builds around me
and I will be the Lightning that Strikes
the Tower down.
The Waters will carry me on this Journey
across the Otherworlds,
a lone traveler surrounded by
the Life of Ages gone by.
The Beauty of the world will follow
me when I go
and the Threads will pull back together,
the Tapestry finished
with only One to remember its purpose.
When I go all Silver Grey,
will I remember my name?

Little More Confidence

I took a trip to the New Age shop I applied at today to check on my application. I also decided to get a reading from one of the psychics, John, who has also been a mentor for me these last few years of developing myself psychically.

One reason for this is because, despite saying I feel like I am on the right track, I just need some more confirmation on it. There is always that little bit of doubt still, despite trusting that it is the correct decision.

Interestingly enough, a card flipped over during my shuffling and it showed back up when I split the deck for him to pick back up before laying out the cards. In became the very first card in the spread and John told me that I was making the right decisions. Another card popped up that was indicating my doubts about whether I was doing the right thing, but the fact that the first card was so prevalent and the Judgment card also appeared, he said it was a good sign. The reading also indicated a new gift was coming my way and with everything that I am planning to do, that is probably a good thing. I am not sure what it will be, but overall I feel a lot more confident about the direction I am planning on taking.

It definitely isn’t happening in the next year, but things are currently looking like I am taking the right steps in planning for it to happen in the next few years.

Now I am working on doing quick little daily tarot draws to build up my skill there again. I won’t necessarily post them here at all, but I do think I want to post my weekly and monthly pulls again soon. Again, I need more practice and this would be a good place to start. Eventually, I will probably offer some free readings again. It has been quite a while since I have actually offered any.

So, anyway. Just trying to be sure I write something each week too. I am looking forward to a lot of fun time with my friends tomorrow to celebrate our birthdays.

Integrating the Spiritual and Mundane, Goals to Work Toward

I mentioned previously in this post about how I am wanting…no. It is more of a need to be completely honest. There is a need to more fully integrate my spiritual work with my “mundane” work. I cannot do that teaching English Composition. I mean. I can incorporate little things here and there that bring my magic and craft into teaching English, but not the way I need to be doing.

Getting a job at the new age shop would be a start. If they call me back, that is. But I need to do more than just that. With the potential cutbacks I have been hearing about with my teaching job, I need a part time position for sure. But in the long run, I need to take other steps to bring my spiritual/metaphysical life to the forefront.

I have dedicated a little over one-third of my life actively to my spiritual development. It has been more than just to be a better person. I see that a bit more now than I used to. I used to think that I could compartmentalize these areas of my life, the mundane and the metaphysical. But I don’t think that is what I am supposed to do anymore.

A few years ago, I had gotten a reading from a psychic at the new age shop I am currently applying to work. She actually sort of surprised me. While I really do enjoy doing readings and taking psychic development classes, I never have really felt all that confident in my abilities. Maybe that is partially still a remnant of what I went through in college with my first coven and how we were and weren’t encouraged. But this psychic told me that an opportunity would present itself in the coming years to take a step into doing what she does. She actually told me something like, “You should be giving me the reading” or “You could be doing what I am doing.” She had asked me how seriously I was taking my development and that essentially the choice would present itself on whether I would take it to the next level and pursue things further. She had mentioned that when that time came, my choice would be clear.

It definitely made me think. I have occasionally looked into taking classes from a nearby spiritualist camp that offers certifications in various fields of psychic study. Nothing really has come of that though. It is just every now and then that I actually look up things there. But still, the seed was planted then with that reading. Maybe I could do that or at least do readings like that gal had told me I could.  Yet still, I have never really done anything. The choice hadn’t fully presented itself.

If feels like that time has finally come. In some way, little by little, things have come up that made me realize that keeping my spiritual and psychic life separate from my mundane hasn’t been fulfilling enough. It is part of what has been making me feel so stuck. Getting passed up for a full-time position yet again, shadow work, and just general contemplation have all made me start to realize that I want to do something more with my life. I need to integrate both sides of my life. I can be very good at compartmentalizing, but that isn’t working for me anymore.

I can be open about my spiritual stuff with several of my work colleagues, but I can’t truly bring that side of things into my job. I love teaching and I love writing, but I am realizing that writing is not what I should be teaching. I should certainly be writing and I should certainly still be teaching. But teaching writing is not where my path is leading anymore. It is a means to an end now. It is something to give me the chance to build up some stability while working toward a new goal that will allow me to let me spiritual psychic side be more prominent.

I had been thinking recently about my numerology again. My life path/struggle number is 4. Four is a number of stability. My mentor in psychic development describes the life path number as being something we struggle with in this life more than anything. I wouldn’t necessarily say I struggle with finding stability in my life. At least not always (though financially speaking that has been recently more of a struggle). But my struggle is with being complacent in places that are too stable. Unless something shifts the status quo enough, I will sit complacently by and pretend I am satisfied with things, even if I am not.

I have been pretending for a few semesters that I am happy teaching. I get my classes, so I am happy because I get the paycheck to help pay for my car and other things. My shadow work this past year started really showing me how that it is mostly just being complacent in my position. Sure I apply for full-time. Sure I could see myself teaching full-time, more or less. But it is complacency and not actual job satisfaction or happiness.

I need the Storm. I need the Tower to come tumbling down to often realize when I am being too complacent in my life. I have too often let myself compartmentalize when I shouldn’t. I have too often let myself continue down paths that do not stimulate my creativity or challenge me.

That Storm that is coming in my path needs me to no longer keep my mundane and spiritual life separate. That isn’t the balance in my life that I need. I need to integrate them so that they are one. That is the balance I need. That is part of what I have been seeking for the last few years.

Whether or not I get the confirmation signs I asked for, I know deep within that I cannot continue separating out my mundane and spiritual lives like this forever. I do not know for certain if this is what the Morrighan has been pushing me towards all these years or not, but I am making a decision for myself to push toward something that will be more appropriate for my continued soul development. Because I don’t need to know if this is what she wants from me anymore and I don’t necessarily need her permission to pursue it. Always waiting for her direction has gotten me nowhere and I know that isn’t what I was supposed to be doing anyway.

Something that I have wanted to do for years is have my own bookshop. When I was much younger I always imaged a full theme-park style bookstore with different historical eras and stuff. Way impractical, but the child I was back then thought it would have been awesome. The more practical 30-year-old adult I am now is much more inclined to par that bookstore down. But the idea has floated in my head for years, and as I think about ways to integrate my spiritual life into my mundane I am definitely thinking a metaphysical/new age book shop is what I want to work toward. I know it isn’t an easy task and I need a plan. Hell, it may not even be totally viable option in the long run and it will be a risk. The 4 in me isn’t fully a risk taker and is scared at that prospect, but I need to take that risk. I need that challenge.

I can’t keep putting my life on hold for things that might be. Because that is almost what I have been doing for the last few years of my life, putting my life on hold because this or this might happen so why bother trying. They might not. Having goals to work toward help keep hope and faith in this world often times. Sure, setbacks on those goals can cause us to doubt and lose a little faith, but I haven’t had anything real to work for in so long…or really ever honestly. That lack of a true goal has left me feeling stagnant and stuck on my path for so long. More so than I probably ever have admitted. But this new goal, this new potential path, gives me some direction again, some hope. It gives me the challenge I have actually been looking for in my life.

So, I will be making plans and taking steps toward something that I have wanted to do for years. I don’t know how much I will actually talk about those things here on this blog, but maybe periodically. I am looking forward to the potential growth this may offer me. For the first time in a while I am looking forward to something in my life. It isn’t just me going through the motions anymore and I feel like I can breathe again and that I do have that hope again that I have been missing.

Schedule and Routine

I have talked before about my bullet journal here and how I incorporate it into my spiritual path. It is actually one of my most popular posts interestingly enough. Anyway, I have modified how I use it now for spiritual stuff. Mostly because I have a habit of being really bad at keeping track of things, but I have started doing a little better recently.

One thing I have started to incorporate is using an ideal schedule/routine to keep me on target with things. If I stay mostly within the parameters of the schedule, I feel like I do a good job of being productive that day. I would show off what mine looks like but I am honestly too lazy at the moment to take the picture or edit it for you. However, there are plenty of ideas for one on Pinterest and Instagram.

I actually recently tossed out my devotional tracker again and just went with a simple “devotional” task space for my monthly habit tracker instead. I have gotten to the point I know what would constitute as such so repeatedly writing down the full tracker every month has just gotten tedious. And bullet journaling and devotional tasks really shouldn’t be that tedious. I think in my next journal I will make things even more simple and less repetitive by having devotional routine set up in my “routine collections” at the start of my BuJo.

Some of that routine involves me writing more. I know, I know, I know. I keep saying I will do this and everything but I am so notorious at not sticking with it. I really need to do it this time. That Storm I mentioned in my previous post almost assuredly requires me to keep writing. One chunk of that writing relates to my “memoir” blog and finishing my story there. Another chunk of writing I want to do is to get back to talking about things involving my personal path. Not everything, mind you, as some of that is too private and sensitive to discuss. But some things. I also just want to write for pleasure again. That has still been quite difficult to do though.

I don’t know how well I will stick with it, but I hope to post at least twice a week initially. Once for my memoir blog and then once over here. I don’t know which days of the week that will be at first, but if all goes well I aim to write more than that.

I also plan on doing a bit more tarot again. I enjoyed posting them before, but I just got out of the habit when things got too busy. I have some goals related to tarot that I am currently trying to aim for, so hopefully posting tarot again may help get me there.

Anyway, those are some goals and intentions I am wanting to put into motion right now. I am hoping with this semester being less busy, it will help keep me on track more. I hope. 😛