My Anniversary with My Phantom Queen

The other night I realized that the anniversary of my devotion to the Morrígan was coming up quicker than I realized. It was yesterday actually. I meant to do something last night, but that never really happened. But despite that and how busy things have been on multiple fronts, I know I needed to say something here.

Overall, I feel there has been an improvement in my life and in my path since I devoted myself to the Morrígan. I have had quite a few periods of the past year where there were major lulls in my personal practice. The wide gaps in some of my blog posting here can attest to that. But I don’t consider those times to be what some would call fallow times, because, in all honesty, it was my own fault in purposefully ignoring different things and focusing elsewhere. My mundane life had been quite busy this past year as well, making it more difficult to focus on the spiritual and metaphysical sides of things.

However, despite that, I still feel there has been a shift in things for myself. While I still feel like I am wondering around in circles at times on this path, I know I am not alone. She is there beside me trying to guide me to where I need to be. I say try because I am stubborn and will willfully ignore Her despite the constant shouts of “Listen!” She is very much like a deity form of Navi in my life right now, and I think even she is amused by our mutual stubbornness with each other and the comparison to a video game fairy. But she is always there when I call to her. Sometimes, well often, scolding me to get back on track with what she asked of me the last time I talked to her. And I’ll roll my eyes and say okay, but not do it.

She has gotten to work with Lugh again. He is much more subtle in the background of what I do compared to the Morrígan, but he is there as well. She has had me do work with Manannán mac Lir as well. She is having me learn more about astral things and the Celtic Otherworlds (and other ones too mind you) with Him. And while I question the necessity of it, She reminds me that if I do the work, I will figure it out eventually.

So yeah. Overall, this past year seems to feel more like I am heading in the right direction. I have picked up studying more about Gaelic Polytheism to understand more about that aspect of things. I have been working well sometimes working on my shadow work that I need to do most of all. And yeah.

While I didn’t do much yesterday to commemorate the anniversary though, I did make sure to reach out and talk to her as I dozed for a bit during a nap. She mostly reiterated to me about the fact that I need to do my shadow work. I have been putting it off for a few years now and have yet to finish well not really finish as it is really an ongoing process it all. Recently I had been doing more work with it, but the Morrígan made it clear that I need to get through some of this stuff before I can move forward in my path – before She will let me know what is next.

Alright Morrígan, I will listen this time, hopefully. So here’s to another year ahead.

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Booping God Feels and Shadow Work

I am not entirely sure how I wanted to begin this other than the fact that since the other day I joined in briefly with the Drowning in God Feels Thursdays my roommie Meritinpu has been doing over on Tumblr that it provoked me to write something about this.

Anyway. I don’t particularly fall into the category of “drowning” in god feels mostly, because, well, I tend to be fairly held back in my devotional feels for my deities. So I appropriately feel more like “booping the god feels” is more accurate to how my god feels present themselves. I lightly approach the feelings and I do enjoy seeing others god feels even if I don’t lose myself in them. It is in general how most of my feelings work. The unexpected nostalgia yesterday is one of those times my Scorpio moon bubbles over with emotions I am not prepared for.

Granted, this gets away from my intention to talk about one of the Things the Morrighan is always telling me to do. She has this habit that if I start to ask about the purpose of doing things she’ll respond with the quip that I need to do my shadow work and maybe I’ll find out why she is also having me work with Manannan on this navigating the Celtic Otherworlds. Even if I ask Manny when she isn’t there, she swoops in and says, “Nope. Do the work and maybe you’ll find out.” 😛

I honestly think Manny gets a kick out of it every time I ask him and she interrupts us. Even if she isn’t a part of the work I am doing that night with him, she inevitably appears at those moments when I ask. The longer I go, the more annoyed she gets about the fact I haven’t finished my shadow work. Which honestly is somewhat entertaining to make her annoyed and I think Lugh and Manny get a kick out of me trolling her by putting it off and they are even more amused that she’ll roll back by interrupting and telling me to get on the shadow work if I ever ask the purpose of my work with Manny.

But I suppose she is right and I do need to start doing more with my shadow work. I think the hit of nostalgia yesterday was another reminder that I needed to do some work with things. So I have added a new page in my bullet journal as a check list for the shadow work exercises I need to do from The Temple of Shamanic Witchcraft by Christopher Penczak I have been borrowing for a long while from my roommate. Plus I have a check list for a Tumblr 31-Day Shadow Work Challenge that incorporates Tarot and everything. I figure this will help remind me about things. 😛 Hopefully.

I am sure I will continue to be pestered by the Morrighan about it. Particularly if I even begin to ask Manny about something. It will be a matter of doing a little here and there on a more consistent basis. With Spring Break coming up, that will give me a good opportunity to definitely work harder on some of those things and get into a routine again. Maybe I’ll do a mini-retreat like I did last year. We’ll see. 😀

The Crow

This morning I decided I was going to go ahead and get going a little faster than usual. More or less. 😛

After I got dressed and started fixing my oatmeal this morning, I started to hear the cawing. Now, crows are not entirely unusual in our area, but now and then when my roommate and I are talking about something there is a too well timed caw that interrupts us. Or there will be something on my mind and then a caw or crows flying around. I don’t usually hear crows cawing when I am inside the house though.

I didn’t really pay much attention initially. Because, again, they aren’t unusual where I live and I was more concerned about the consistency of my oatmeal. But then my cat went on alert. He usually likes to chirp at little song birds and robins, and I have never seen him take an interest in crows before. He was unusually much more quiet this morning while my roommate was still in her room and when he heard the crow cawing out back he did his spaz run to the back window and the dog’s couch to look out the window. He did the little cat chirps to the crow that sat in the branches of the neighbor’s tree that lined our yard. And it kept cawing back.

It just seemed to signal a little more than just a bird hanging out by our house. A little confirmation, perhaps. And then my daily tarot pull was the 8 of Cups from my Revelations Tarot. It is about making a movement to leave behind emotional stress. To walk away from that which does not serve any more. That, today, with the Morrigan calling out, we reached the end of this and can eventually make room for more.

And now Clair de Lune is playing on my Pandora on my phone. A song that has a great deal of past life significance for me. Not necessarily related to leaving behind and walking away, but, I don’t know. It just seems like an appropriate song to hear right now.

Also, I dreamed about Gerarian last night. At least in one part of my dream. 😛

Cailleach and Winter

Had our first real snow today where we live. It has been fairly warm so far this winter so temps finally dropped enough to give us snow instead of rain. We had a small flurry back in November or December but it didn’t last long.

I mention the weather only because I have been trying to do more shadow work lately and one of the tasks from the book* I am using as a guide discusses meeting the spirits of the seasons at certain points. And being as it is winter, I did the journey to meet a spirit related to winter. Seeing as I have been working primarily in a Gaelic polytheistic arena for my path lately, I met the Gaelic goddess associated with winter, Cailleach.

I won’t go into too much detail about who Cailleach is as I don’t think I’ll do much actual work with her. She is a crone/hag goddess who is said to rule the land during winter before either transforming into Brigit or turning to stone for Brigit to take over for the summer half of the year. She is often seen as a creator and ancestral goddess. I found it interesting that her name either means “old woman” or “veiled one.” I have had a past life with a name that had similar meaning to veiled one, but I digress there.

I have never had an issue with the winter season, but I know quite a few do. It is honestly one of my favorites. My current life has quite a few pleasant childhood memories of winter. My birthday is this month too, so I often had snow on my birthday in the past. While I don’t often pay attention to the seasons when I get past life memories, I don’t have any negative memories of the winter. The only thing I don’t like about it now is when I have to drive in bad winter weather and worry about whether my car will make it or if another car is going to slip and run into me (new car this winter so I shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not my car will start from being too cold).

I enjoy the stillness of winter. Things slow down during this time, but there is still activity. The whiteness of the snow that can be blinding and bright even during the time of the year where it tends to be the darkest. There is a lot of harshness to the season but there is also gentleness in the light falls of snowflakes that are each so beautifully unique. There is something magical in a frozen landscape to me.

With sitting with Cailleach the other day, we mentioned this. Part of the idea behind the exercise in the book is to reconcile what issues you may have with a particular season. The other part is to deepen ones connection to the cycles of the seasons in general and what they often represent. But as I don’t particularly have a need to reconcile any dread for the season of winter, it was more decided that I do something to simply deepen my connection.

While I enjoy winter, I try to stay indoors quite often. Now and then I’ll contemplate putting on my boots and talking a walk outside in the snow (if there is any) or even when there isn’t, I will default to sitting around in the warm house snuggled in a blanket and a warm cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. Cailleach has asked me to actually take the time to go outside a little more this winter whether that is just to stand out back as it snows or to go for an actually walk. Which I honestly think I would enjoy a lot, especially to come back to a warm house and warm tea.

Although, I may have to hold off on that until tomorrow as I have to finish getting my classes set up for this week. I have not been getting that done ahead of time like I should have been. But if I have time later today I will try. 😛

(*The book I am using is Penczak’s The Temple of Shamanic Witchcraft.)

Oh! What a Tangled Web We Weave

My method of spellcasting is different to say the least. At least certain types of spells. The main reason I bring this up is because I recently did one of these tonight and it just gets me thinking about my methods.

I think I am still just a little high off the energy and I probably should ground just a bit more, but the candle is still burning down so I still have some time I think.

For the most part I can’t really explain this process. It is fairly unique to the way I work and do magic. I am sure there are others that cast spells in a vaguely similar manner, but not the quite same.

Now and then I like to do spells like a webweaving. Usually these relate to spells that have to do with relationships between people and when situations surrounding those relationships or individuals causes problems. It isn’t so much about me creating relationships by weaving the web. It is more about untangling them when they do not serve the situation anymore. It is severing the ties and the connections that create problems. Cutting out the lies and deceptions to reveal what must be seen and to remove those obstacles.

I have only done these types of spells a few times now in a physical manner. Sometimes I simply cut threads metaphysically and the results there have been quite surprising. But other times, like this time, I have used a frame to create the twisted web between subjects and then cut the threads that needed cut out.

It is intuition based. I don’t plan it out much in advance. I don’t know what thread colors I will always use and how the threads will connect. I just do it. And hell, they don’t really even look that pretty (though that is sometimes the point). They make sense in the end though. And then I burn the removed threads. What remains in the frame is, in the end, something that is free of the twistedness of whatever caused the problem.

The interesting thing I find about tonight’s working is that after I disposed of the burnt remains, I saw a small white house spider crawl across the brick work on the fireplace where I had my frame leaning and my candle burning. I had recently worked with a spider guide of mine called Weaver. We’d talked the last few nights and after this working which is involves web and thread working, a spider showed up. Coincidence? I have done this stuff too long to accept that as a simple coincidence.

The work I did with Weaver was related to shadow work stuff that I have been avoiding. Some of the exercises from my book relates to shaman medicine retrieval work and since I avoid the lessons from Weaver most of the time that was the medicine I needed to retrieve the other night. Perhaps, aside from my spur of the moment need to do this little spell, it was also a means of integrating that medicine as well.

While the Morrigan is not strictly speaking associated with spiders, in some ways I do see her connected to them. She is associated with fate to me. She is a fate weaver and a fate changer. She is a sorceress and is very much about people taking control of their lives.

My roommate made the comment as she watched me doing my thing, listening to some FU style music selections, how the Morrigan would approve. She said “What would the Morrigan do?” actually and how that should be my motto. I think it seems fitting. What this spell has done is move forward things that are likely coming anyway. Some things just need more of a push. And the Morrigan is quite a lot about giving things, and people a little push.

The Enigma of My Existence

On and off for a while now, I had started contemplating and wondering more about what my path really is meant for. My roommate and I talk about various things all the time and one discussion that mentioned purpose triggered me to think about what my purpose was more. And I just can’t really figure it out for myself or put any words to it. There is a part I understand all too well, but another part that is still lost to me. And that whole thing created some personal confusion and lead to other thoughts and I felt like sharing. Continue reading

Cookies and Apples

That just seems like a fun, innocuous little title.

So I did get some more confirmation on the deity that the Morrighan seems to want me to work with. I like giving her the task of sending me specific signs so I know for sure, so I picked “cookies,” hence the title. So I may continue to associate this deity with cookies. Kind of like how I associate Loki with cheese and ladybugs. 😛

Anyway, I am still learning a bit about who this deity is and what the Morrighan would like me to work with him on, but I figured I go ahead and share.

I have been wondering for awhile when and who I would meet next on my path. It had been a bit quiet on my personal path since I was busy with teaching. Since I seem to be mostly in the Celtic pantheons lately anyway (mostly Irish), it seems like the next deity would be within the Gaelic pantheon. I hadn’t been consciously looking to meet another, but I was speculating to myself who the Morrighan would decide I should meet and work with. So I started to see more and more on my dash related to the sea and water and, more specifically, the god Manannán mac Lir.

From my quick perusals of lore I read before, Manannán seemed like and interesting deity. He isn’t one of the Tuatha dé Danann but was affiliated with them. He is the one most commonly sited as having fostered Lugh to adulthood. But the biggest thing about him is that he is seen as a god of the sea and the Otherworlds as a guardian and one who ferries the souls of the dead to the Otherworlds and he resides at Emhain Abhlach (isle of apple trees).

I won’t get into too much more about who he is and the lore associated with him. I mostly wanted to cover the basics of that. From sitting with him a couple times, he seems very gregarious and will be easy to work with. I am not 100% sure for what reasons I will be working with him, but some of it relates to whatever the Morrighan is wanting me to do for her more. I don’t know if that means anything related to actually working with the Dead not something that is really my area and I am less inclined to believe it actually deals with that aspect of the Otherworlds or if it relates more to Otherworld travel.

Before I got super busy with the semester teaching, I had also started looking into aspects of Irish polytheism and how the belief system was set up. Their concept of cosmology is related to three realms of Land, Sea, and Sky (incidentally have read certain areas in the Celtic Otherworlds relates to these areas as well) with the Land being more this physical realm, the Sea being being the Otherworld of the afterlife, and the Sky being weather related. I am oversimplifying and butchering the concepts here but when I was looking up these things the aspect of immramma and echtrai came up which are voyages to the Otherworlds. The Morrighan indicated this was something she wanted me to do.

So, I think the work the Morrighan wants me to do with Manannán relates to doing astral work in some capacity. I am not sure what the long term or end goal is yet. Most of the time I don’t think to ask or expect to get a straight answer anyway. But it is something to explore. And again, Manannán seems like a pretty cool deity to work with from my couple of sit downs with him this past week. So this’ll be fun. 😛