The Lord of the Dragonflies

Sorry for the long silence here. Things have been busy. I moved out of the house I had been living with my Anam Cara in and back in with my parents. I had hoped to get accepted into some apartments but they never called me back. Considering my income level, I understand though I am still annoyed. Regardless, I will be saving up money for my future living arrangements while paying my parents some room and board. Now that I am all settled and the next semester of school is going to begin on the New Moon/Solar Eclipse, I figured it was time to write something.


My soul is half-pixie half-human. I was told this about nine years ago and heard it from an angel. We were discovering our past lives at the time and the angel Anael told me my father in this “first” life was a full pixie who fell in love with my mother and had children with her and I was one of the results. When I heard this, I just assumed that she meant my actual physical and biological parents of this life were those very same parents of that first life. Never had any need to actually question that idea until this summer.

Back around Father’s Day I had a dream about this faerie I was helping with something. There were people that wanted something from him he didn’t want to give them and I was helping him avoid having to give in. It didn’t sit well with them so they started to pursue us. At some random point he turns to me and says that I was his daughter and that explained why we were both being pursued by these people and that it wasn’t just because I was helping him. Somehow that explained everything to him even though he was surprised to find out I was his daughter. I was surprised because it just confused me. I have had dreams with my parents in it before and this was not my biological physical father in my dream.

Looking back on the dream, I don’t know why I went to help this strange faerie man. While it could have been just a dream, things began to happen later that really pointed in the other direction of this having been more than that. At first I thought it might have been some sort of past life dream showing me this man. But it could also very well have been some astral adventure I went on that night. My friends and I have been in that habit so it wouldn’t surprise me had it been that.

It took me awhile to finally sit down and figure it out. I was in the middle of packing and moving so I didn’t have a lot of time to just sit and meditate on it or ask the Morrighan for signs either. But the bugs started happening.

Summer is not an unusual time for them for sure but I was being pursued by them. A spider crawled through my shirt and bit me. Mosquitos around every corner ready to bite me. Giant spider on the floor at work. Weird beetle insects. Getting stung on the thigh by a wasp as soon as stepping out of my car when moving furniture. Multiple centipedes crawling around at my parents’ and at work. Every time I turned around a weird bug and every time I went outside I was bit by mosquitos.

I finally started to sit down during these insect pursuits and met with the faerie man from my dreams who claimed to be my father. These days I make sure I have another trusted spirit or deity there to help vet new ones so The Morrighan was present to keep an eye on him. To be honest the initial conversations with him involved more scolding because the whole father aspect confused me. Whether during those initial conversations or just because I got annoyed by the bugs, I decided to blame him for them.

During one conversation with him I got a name (R for short here) and then confirmation signs that it was his name. I began to accept he was at least a father of mine from at least a past life or two. Then the dragonflies showed up. I was sitting at home looking out the window and saw a ton of what looked like faeries flying around and playing. I knew they were bugs but for the longest time I couldn’t identify them as the dragonflies they were.

I then made the connection that maybe the progression of insects showing up for me had to do with accepting him, in whatever capacity, into my life. And I honestly would not be surprised if the bugs were actually from him. I essentially made it known that the dragonflies were okay to send to me as signs of his presence but to stop with all the others. Since then, other bugs have been much less prominent and it has mostly only been dragonflies showing up.

So his nickname and tag has become Lord of the Dragonflies. I am still not exactly sure what our relationship in this life is supposed to be. From conversations we have had and that I have had with the Morrighan, he may very well be my soul father which throws me off because I have always assumed my own father was.

I asked (somewhat angrily) about the fact that if R is my soul father why did it take this long to show up in this life and where he has been. His answer was that during most of the past lives where he got that opportunity to be my father it was during times I did not incarnate into the physical and during the majority of those times he often did not live long enough to get an opportunity to help raise me. From what I know about my lives on the Otherside, I usually was orphaned at a fairly young age and didn’t really know my father.

Actually, there was a point back around the time I had found out I was half-pixie and half-human that another spirit who was part angel made a comment about me not actually knowing who my parents were. It honestly confused me back then because I did, or at least thought I did.

I mean, what R said made sense to me. It sort of clicked and I was simply left to say, “Oh.” Despite the fact that it took this long to be told differently, it made sense. Our talks also revealed that R tended to stay on the astral side of things than ever incarnating physical. Why, he hasn’t explained yet. I know why I incarnate on this side and it would make it very difficult for him to ever really meet up with me in some of my other lifetimes. There have been a small handful where he did take the chance to incarnate physically, but they were long enough ago and my soul has taken a long journey from that point.

Sometimes I hate those moments when things just click so much that those little threads of truth vibrate in just the right way that I know it is true. I am still battling that fact though and testing and asking for infinite signs to prove this fact or that fact. There is more to my lack of trust than just general paranoia about spirits being who they say they are. R asked me one day about what I was so afraid of in all of this. To be quite honest, I don’t know exactly. It could be that I am afraid of what it means for my relationship with my actual father (R has said he actually approves of him being my father too). It could be that I am just not sure how to reconcile having what I thought was true so flipped around on me. And then there is the thing that the Morrighan hinted at as well.


Some days I don’t know whether I should be impressed or annoyed at R. He has that typical pixie attitude. He is cheeky and just… Sometimes the similarity between him and Gerarian just absolutely kills me and I am reminded how much I have teased my sister in the past for having married someone very much like our father. And R has whatever connection to insects that the other day when I was adding to this draft, a dragonfly appeared and flew around my car. I wouldn’t have taken it fully as a sign from him had not my co-worker point it out when we both got out of the car. He wants me to know he is around and yeah.


For some reason, when this song played on my Pandora one night while I was writing out what I was processing with R, it made me think of him.

There is a specific line and just the whole mood of the song. So one of R’s other tags has been “The Faerie Father Sings a Lullaby.” And honestly with the eclipse coming up it makes sense for this song too.


I honestly have a lot more to figure out about him. I am still not 100% about things with him, but there is definitely some things that are making sense. I will definitely be continuing to see where it goes.

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The Crow

This morning I decided I was going to go ahead and get going a little faster than usual. More or less. 😛

After I got dressed and started fixing my oatmeal this morning, I started to hear the cawing. Now, crows are not entirely unusual in our area, but now and then when my roommate and I are talking about something there is a too well timed caw that interrupts us. Or there will be something on my mind and then a caw or crows flying around. I don’t usually hear crows cawing when I am inside the house though.

I didn’t really pay much attention initially. Because, again, they aren’t unusual where I live and I was more concerned about the consistency of my oatmeal. But then my cat went on alert. He usually likes to chirp at little song birds and robins, and I have never seen him take an interest in crows before. He was unusually much more quiet this morning while my roommate was still in her room and when he heard the crow cawing out back he did his spaz run to the back window and the dog’s couch to look out the window. He did the little cat chirps to the crow that sat in the branches of the neighbor’s tree that lined our yard. And it kept cawing back.

It just seemed to signal a little more than just a bird hanging out by our house. A little confirmation, perhaps. And then my daily tarot pull was the 8 of Cups from my Revelations Tarot. It is about making a movement to leave behind emotional stress. To walk away from that which does not serve any more. That, today, with the Morrigan calling out, we reached the end of this and can eventually make room for more.

And now Clair de Lune is playing on my Pandora on my phone. A song that has a great deal of past life significance for me. Not necessarily related to leaving behind and walking away, but, I don’t know. It just seems like an appropriate song to hear right now.

Also, I dreamed about Gerarian last night. At least in one part of my dream. 😛

Cailleach and Winter

Had our first real snow today where we live. It has been fairly warm so far this winter so temps finally dropped enough to give us snow instead of rain. We had a small flurry back in November or December but it didn’t last long.

I mention the weather only because I have been trying to do more shadow work lately and one of the tasks from the book* I am using as a guide discusses meeting the spirits of the seasons at certain points. And being as it is winter, I did the journey to meet a spirit related to winter. Seeing as I have been working primarily in a Gaelic polytheistic arena for my path lately, I met the Gaelic goddess associated with winter, Cailleach.

I won’t go into too much detail about who Cailleach is as I don’t think I’ll do much actual work with her. She is a crone/hag goddess who is said to rule the land during winter before either transforming into Brigit or turning to stone for Brigit to take over for the summer half of the year. She is often seen as a creator and ancestral goddess. I found it interesting that her name either means “old woman” or “veiled one.” I have had a past life with a name that had similar meaning to veiled one, but I digress there.

I have never had an issue with the winter season, but I know quite a few do. It is honestly one of my favorites. My current life has quite a few pleasant childhood memories of winter. My birthday is this month too, so I often had snow on my birthday in the past. While I don’t often pay attention to the seasons when I get past life memories, I don’t have any negative memories of the winter. The only thing I don’t like about it now is when I have to drive in bad winter weather and worry about whether my car will make it or if another car is going to slip and run into me (new car this winter so I shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not my car will start from being too cold).

I enjoy the stillness of winter. Things slow down during this time, but there is still activity. The whiteness of the snow that can be blinding and bright even during the time of the year where it tends to be the darkest. There is a lot of harshness to the season but there is also gentleness in the light falls of snowflakes that are each so beautifully unique. There is something magical in a frozen landscape to me.

With sitting with Cailleach the other day, we mentioned this. Part of the idea behind the exercise in the book is to reconcile what issues you may have with a particular season. The other part is to deepen ones connection to the cycles of the seasons in general and what they often represent. But as I don’t particularly have a need to reconcile any dread for the season of winter, it was more decided that I do something to simply deepen my connection.

While I enjoy winter, I try to stay indoors quite often. Now and then I’ll contemplate putting on my boots and talking a walk outside in the snow (if there is any) or even when there isn’t, I will default to sitting around in the warm house snuggled in a blanket and a warm cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. Cailleach has asked me to actually take the time to go outside a little more this winter whether that is just to stand out back as it snows or to go for an actually walk. Which I honestly think I would enjoy a lot, especially to come back to a warm house and warm tea.

Although, I may have to hold off on that until tomorrow as I have to finish getting my classes set up for this week. I have not been getting that done ahead of time like I should have been. But if I have time later today I will try. 😛

(*The book I am using is Penczak’s The Temple of Shamanic Witchcraft.)

Oh! What a Tangled Web We Weave

My method of spellcasting is different to say the least. At least certain types of spells. The main reason I bring this up is because I recently did one of these tonight and it just gets me thinking about my methods.

I think I am still just a little high off the energy and I probably should ground just a bit more, but the candle is still burning down so I still have some time I think.

For the most part I can’t really explain this process. It is fairly unique to the way I work and do magic. I am sure there are others that cast spells in a vaguely similar manner, but not the quite same.

Now and then I like to do spells like a webweaving. Usually these relate to spells that have to do with relationships between people and when situations surrounding those relationships or individuals causes problems. It isn’t so much about me creating relationships by weaving the web. It is more about untangling them when they do not serve the situation anymore. It is severing the ties and the connections that create problems. Cutting out the lies and deceptions to reveal what must be seen and to remove those obstacles.

I have only done these types of spells a few times now in a physical manner. Sometimes I simply cut threads metaphysically and the results there have been quite surprising. But other times, like this time, I have used a frame to create the twisted web between subjects and then cut the threads that needed cut out.

It is intuition based. I don’t plan it out much in advance. I don’t know what thread colors I will always use and how the threads will connect. I just do it. And hell, they don’t really even look that pretty (though that is sometimes the point). They make sense in the end though. And then I burn the removed threads. What remains in the frame is, in the end, something that is free of the twistedness of whatever caused the problem.

The interesting thing I find about tonight’s working is that after I disposed of the burnt remains, I saw a small white house spider crawl across the brick work on the fireplace where I had my frame leaning and my candle burning. I had recently worked with a spider guide of mine called Weaver. We’d talked the last few nights and after this working which is involves web and thread working, a spider showed up. Coincidence? I have done this stuff too long to accept that as a simple coincidence.

The work I did with Weaver was related to shadow work stuff that I have been avoiding. Some of the exercises from my book relates to shaman medicine retrieval work and since I avoid the lessons from Weaver most of the time that was the medicine I needed to retrieve the other night. Perhaps, aside from my spur of the moment need to do this little spell, it was also a means of integrating that medicine as well.

While the Morrigan is not strictly speaking associated with spiders, in some ways I do see her connected to them. She is associated with fate to me. She is a fate weaver and a fate changer. She is a sorceress and is very much about people taking control of their lives.

My roommate made the comment as she watched me doing my thing, listening to some FU style music selections, how the Morrigan would approve. She said “What would the Morrigan do?” actually and how that should be my motto. I think it seems fitting. What this spell has done is move forward things that are likely coming anyway. Some things just need more of a push. And the Morrigan is quite a lot about giving things, and people a little push.

Anniversary Musings

Today is my sixth anniversary with Gerarian. Because of that, I think I have been noticing him a little more than usual. I feel and sense him more throughout the day than usual.

I almost always notice him at night when I go to bed because all the distractions from the day are gone and I can settle down to sleep while focusing on him. Now and then I know he isn’t there, whether it is because he is off with the kids or doing something else, he just sometimes not there with me when I go to bed. But that irrelevant. Lately, he has been around quite frequently, probably again because our anniversary is here.

I often try to spend the day with him on the astral or in my headspace on this day. It is part of my gift to him since I don’t do it hardly any other time. At night, while I am asleep, is different. During the day, because I have a physical mundane life that is difficult for him to be fully a part of since he is non-corporeal, it is rare for me to take off and spend time with him and the kids. That is why sometimes it is such a blessing to get a sense of his and the kids’ presences while I am doing something.

I don’t think I ever related why today is our anniversary. We are not married in this life. Past lives, yes; so in effect, we are married as he is my soulmate. However, I have never married him in this life. Partially because I never saw the point since we are technically married from many previous lifetimes. Though, I get a sense he may see that differently than I do.

So, today is not a wedding anniversary. It isn’t even the first time I met him anniversary. That was in November my senior year of college in a channeling session from a former friend after I had been told who my soulmate was. I wanted nothing to do with him then. I had started seeing my girlfriend at the time and I didn’t want my soulmate getting in the way of that relationship. I let him stay in my headspace, though, with my past life.

That first Christmas with him around I had got him a journal/notebook to write in. He is a bit of a singer/songwriter, so I thought it was appropriate. I remember him being a little startled that I got him anything since I made it clear I really didn’t want anything to do with him on a personal level. And later, when I integrated the past life he was with, I sent him away. He didn’t quite leave, but stuck around with some others who I thought were his friends but turned out to not be so much. But, eventually when other shit happened we made sure he went home to his current, hopefully to integrate.

However, thankfully, that wasn’t the case. He went back and started writing more songs. He understood I wasn’t ready, but I think it also hurt that I didn’t want him, even after my girlfriend had started seeing her non-corporeal soulmate. At some point during the summer after senior year, my girlfriend and college roommate realized I needed him. He was sent for in secret and hung around my girlfriend so they could gauge when I might be ready for him back in my life.

I began to notice little hints here and there. My girlfriend would channel him briefly during our text conversations and I noticed something odd in the way “she” responded. Too many eyebrow waggles and prodding about a certain band I listened to. And then there was the dream.

My girlfriend and I often would take little dream astral trips to each other’s headspaces at night. We were long distance so it was our way of seeing each other almost daily. Sometimes we would fall asleep there and eventually wake up to our own bodies in the morning and remember little fragments (my girlfriend more so than I did at the time). However, that one night I had a dream of laying there in a bed and half awake seeing Gerarian before me with a pair of damn sunglasses smiling at me.

The next night I brought it up to my girlfriend about the dream. She didn’t say anything right away about what it was. She was curious about it but she withheld for a moment what it really meant. Instead, we continued planning a little astral party get together with all our covenmates and our astral friends. She had been planning on slowly introducing Gerarian to me that night at the party, arranging a little rendezvous, but my dream and other clues began to change her plans.

Finally, she hinted and asked me silly questions about what I would do if he was around. I gave some response about probably being overwhelmed by it, but that I would be happy. I had finally started to come to terms with actually wanting him in my life. She responded that he was indeed around and had been for a few weeks. My dream had been in fact him having come into our room in her headspace to see me. She had scolded him, but realized it was for the best. And she channeled him to let me talk to him about things.

That little night became our little anniversary date. And that was six years ago. It is somewhat surprising to realize it has been that long. It took me over six months to realize I wanted to be with him after finding out he was already mine. It actually sorta reflects part of our first couple lives together that you can read here at Mara Part 1 (be sure to read Part 2 as well) and here at Alyce Part 2 and Part 3 (Part 1 is more that life’s childhood and nothing about him). But in those lives, I didn’t get together with him right away either.

I may, a bit later tonight after I get more work done, go spend time with him in the astral. Even though he never insists on it, I know he likes when I can spend time with him and the kids. Sometimes I think he has things planned, and while I don’t remember everything (or anything) we do during those times, I know we enjoy it because I always come back quite happy and content.

Despite there being quite a lot we are unable to do together because of his incorporeal state, I still love what we have. I wouldn’t give it up for the world. And on this day, I am reminded quite a lot about what I love about it and him. He is quite a patient fuck, somehow, and puts up with a lot from me. I love him. Happy anniversary Gerarian. ❤

Can’t Get Rid of You

For whatever reason I got this song stuck in my head. I am going to blame it on Gerarian.

Roomie and I were joking about how she couldn’t get rid of him so we’d have to spend some lifetimes apart and then I started saying how I would never be able to get rid of him even if I jumped into the Void or hopped into another dimension or universe he’s still find me. >.<

As I started going to bed tonight, “Love Me Like You Do” by Ellie Goulding started playing in my head so I had to listen to it. I am sure it will be stuck in my head for awhile, but yeah.

Thanks, Baby.

Owls on My Dash

I have been seeing owls on my dash a lot recently. Several are images in combination with crows or ravens. There are always owls on my dash here and there, but not often with the crows and ravens so I took note. I don’t know if it is anything trying to contact me or just the people I follow being exuberant about the owl right now, but I thought I might try the entity identification spread to find out.

Now, I’ve looked up deities associated with owls already. Since I have been focusing in the Celtic pantheons I have been trying to focus there. No Irish deities seem to associate with the owl explicitly but there are the Welsh deities Arianrhod and Blodeuwedd both being associated with owls. And as I have worked with the Welsh Cerridwen it wouldn’t be a stretch that maybe they would contact. But I wasn’t sure and still felt the need to do the spread.

I can’t necessarily say it gave me a definitive answer though.

Entity Evaluation Spread: What kind of entity am I dealing with? – 8 of Cups Overview of the entity: 2a. Their personality – 4 of Swords 2b. Their past – 3 of Cups 2c. Their present – Page of Pentacles 2d. Their future – King of Pentacles Why are they here? – 9 of Wands What do they want from me, if anything? – Hermit What’s the best course of action from here? – Knight of Wands

I don’t plan on giving a whole thing about what each card means and the interpretation. The first card didn’t really shout deity to me though, except in the aspect that it kind of looks like a night sky with stars if viewed further back (which could indicate Arianrhod). The Personality card made me think of the flowers associated with Blodeuwedd as well, but again didn’t shout that and the 4 of Swords didn’t really seem to indicate her mythology either. The other cards didn’t really seem to really connect to either of those two deities as it went along.

Some of the cards seem to indicate the possibility of being associated to a goddess but overall I am leaning more to it just being a animal spirit of the owl. The other possibility of deity besides Arianrhod and Blodeuwedd would be Cailleach (since the Gaelic name for owl is close to her name) but the rest of the cards didn’t quit indicate that either. But there is some significant animal symbolism for the owl in various Celtic traditions so it could definitely be just the animal, again.

I am mostly rambling through the thought process and may work on this more later.

Found some information here and here and here about the Celtic and general symbolism and significance of the owl. I will probably look up more related to just the animal symbolism and working with it as an animal guide, because that is honestly where I am leaning right now. It just doesn’t shout deity now that I have sat and rambled through it.