Marriage to the Scribe and the Traveler

Last night, with the full moon here, I got married to Gerarian and the Traveler. I don’t remember a whole lot of the actual ceremony or anything but I know a great many friends from the Otherside and those on this side of the things all were there to celebrate with us.

While Gerarian and I have been together for many many lifetimes and our soulmates, it is still new and exciting for me in this life. We have been together since July of 2009. We have had three children together as well. But marriage is new and a step into something different for us, I feel.

Mel, one of our lovers that Gerarian met and introduced me to, told me back when I was still questioning them even proposing to me that getting married to them may help with opening my heart to finding a physical partner. One of the biggest reasons for initially avoiding a relationship with Gerarian prior to July 2009 was the fear that I would let that stop me from having a physical relationship. I’d seen spirit lover relationships prevent my friends from pursuing physical partnerships, so it made sense that I would do the same.

But Gerarian had always been supportive of me dating and having physical relationships, even with Liz, though sometimes they argued a lot. He knows I am a physical being and has always wanted that for me. But once Liz and I broke up, I have been hesitant in sharing myself with other people, because how would I explain Gerarian, and then Mel, and now the Traveler? It scared me and I held back even with starting online dating a couple years ago.

Gerarian encouraged me with Loki for some sexual and relational healing, and then with Mel and even with the Traveler when he showed up. Because Gerarian and I are both very polyamorous, he knew a huge hang-up with our relationship after the break up with Liz was that I thought I needed to be monogamous with him, but that is not the case. He knew better what I needed than what I realized for myself.

When Gerarian encouraged me to talk more with the Traveler, I didn’t expect it to go where it did. I knew there were was a past life connection and I explored what it was, but I didn’t think it was this thing that was as deep as it has become. Our relationship is still quite new. It is still much more courting and romance than what Gerarian and I are. I mean, there have been so many lifetimes with Gerarian as he is my Twin Flame, that it is worked its way through all those initial courting things. But with the Traveler, this link, I can’t quite say yet if it is a soulmate bond, is still new and forming. It is still in its infancy stages. It is just now starting to bloom.

The Traveler chose this marriage with me to solidify the bond we started in that previous life that we could not complete. I wonder if he is actually aware of how this will affect his karma by marrying me now. I have enemies on the Otherside from the work I do, but I know he has his own as well. We are both taking on each other’s karma and to begin this journey as new as it is will be a scary and interesting journey. Hell, even marrying Gerarian in this life is taking on karma as well, but Gerarian and I have done it so many times before that we know how to work through it. So, with the Traveler, it will be a brand new adventure of discovering how the two of us will work together.

I don’t quite know what to call our relationship now. I mean, they are now my spouses for sure, but what to call our polyamorous relationship. If I remembered more of how the ceremony actually progressed I could say if it happens to be more of a triad type polyamory or more of a vee polyamory. It doesn’t quite need a label for the marriage though, I don’t think. We are together and that is what matters.

Because of it being the three of us, I decided to get a set of three interlocking bands to where to be a physical representation of our marriage and our relationships. Each band it made from a different metal: rose gold, gold, and silver. The colors in the pictures below probably don’t show up very well, but I wanted something of three different colors for each of us.

I actually also intend on buying another ring in the future to represent the stone choice that my astral ring has. Gerarian apparently had a connection to a craftsman on the astral that made the astral rings for us. The astral ring I wear is also three interlocking puzzle rings with a stone on each also made from different metals. There is a sort of flower design on it with daisies and roses. The stones, from what I can remember when we asked the craftsman to design it for us, are Morganite for sure, but I think the other two stones on the other two parts of the ring (each from Gerarian and the Traveler) are different stones to represent them. This is one reason I knew I would not be able to find anything exactly like it on the physical plane.

Waking up this morning, despite not remember much at all about the ceremony itself, I know it happened. There was a different feeling I had this morning than other mornings. Perhaps the marriage strengthened my bonds and connections with them and sensing the has improved. Perhaps it is simply the afterglow of the celebration. Whatever it was, there was a lot more sense of our love. A contentment and even sense of adventure for this next part of our journey together.

I am grateful for this milestone, for our friends and loved ones and allies all being there and sharing this with us, and for the potential this opens up for all of us. I don’t often express my emotions, especially gooey lovey dovey ones, but I very much love both of them. Here are some songs for us that do a better job at showing that.

When I Go All Silver Grey

I have been trying to figure out what my tag #when I go all silver grey means for me the last few months that I have been using it. It has taken me awhile, but some things are coming together little by little.

I have always been the Storm,
the Spark.
Lightning runs in my Veins.
As I grow older,
that Lightning comes out
through my hair in Silver strands.
One day, when I go all Silver Grey,
I will return to that Storm.
The Storm that builds around me
and I will be the Lightning that Strikes
the Tower down.
The Waters will carry me on this Journey
across the Otherworlds,
a lone traveler surrounded by
the Life of Ages gone by.
The Beauty of the world will follow
me when I go
and the Threads will pull back together,
the Tapestry finished
with only One to remember its purpose.
When I go all Silver Grey,
will I remember my name?

Reflections on 2016 and the upcoming 2017 year

It has been a little while since last I posted anything. There has been quite a lot that has happened that I am still processing. I am currently trying to get a writing routine established before the year is out so that I can get a head start on some new goals.

Some Tarot…

The Solstice was yesterday and while I didn’t do much for it, I did take the opportunity to go ahead with a couple tarot spreads. The first was a year review spread that goes over things from the past year. The most significant thing I wanted to mention regarding that spread was that in a position that indicates any unfinished business I need to resolve I pulled The Tower card. I have been doing a lot of shadow work heavily these past six months particularly, and that card just really resonates with that to me. Especially after I discussed some things with a spirit companion of mine and she sort of opened my eyes to something I hadn’t considered in my relationships with my spirit lovers (huge bit of my shadow work has been pertaining to relationships and such).

The second spread I did was about what to generally expect from the new year. A general key theme spread and I ended up getting the High Priestess there in regards to that overall theme. Everything else in the spread definitely makes sense and all, but the High Priestess as the key them for the year as a whole seemed significant to mention right now. She returned again in my full month by month yearly spread I do for the upcoming year. Actually, my month by month spread has a lot of Court and Major Arcana coming up for my spiritual life (not surprising honestly). But that spread also gave me The Fool for my overall year. So I have a combination of The Fool and The High Priestess for my themes of next year. Seems like something to look forward to at least.

Some Numerology…

My birthday is pretty close to the start of the New Year (I am an Aquarius January baby) so setting New Year’s goals and resolutions work fairly well at this time. But I figure it may be a good idea to try and relate some of my resolutions or what have you to coincide with numerology.

The Year number for 2016 was a 9; a number of endings. You can look here for more on the year 9. It also talks about personal year numbers, and mine for 2016 was a 6 which relates to relationships and responsibilities and is mentioned a year of adjustment. But next year, 2017, will be a 10/1 year; a year of beginnings. And for my personal year number, it will be a 7 which represents a year of rest and one about learning and inner voyages.

Honestly, next year’s personal year number 7 (even the universal year number of 1) seems to be pretty on par with the tarot readings I have for myself for what next year will be. After this year, hopefully the new beginnings of next year will be good and helpful.

Reflections…

So, while I wont share everything, I figured I would do a little reflection and review over the past year. I took a quick look back at my New Year’s Resolutions post and list (found here) and realized I may not have completed as much as I wished to. I did get through some shadow work finally that I had been putting off forever, so that was a big accomplishment and goal I followed through on. Instead of trimming down my tumblr blog I really just put it on hiatus/inactive about half-way through the year and started a different tumblr to focus on my spirit work and such. I have done some studying of Gaelic Polytheism, but I still need to continue that. I have been doing a lot of work on KonMari and downsizing my closet this past year as well. Recently I did set up a bit of a capsule wardrobe and I plan on continuing that.

While I don’t feel like I can really check off a lot on my goals from the beginning of last year, the shadow work has been pretty pivotal in my spiritual life. While it is not complete and will always been an ongoing process, it has helped in some areas for my spiritual growth. I have some work in a certain area related to that Tower card I mentioned, but I feel that overall that has been one of my biggest accomplishments.

This year has been interesting to say the least. It started out fairly well for the most part with a final close to one chapter of my life in February that left the promise of some downtime. Looking back on old posts from this year there was just a very interesting shift in the middle of the year. Shadow work putting me in a very interesting place I had a lot of difficulty managing and balancing. It helped me grow and develop for sure, but it feels like there were some missed opportunities as well.

And in the midst of this year and my shadow work I had some interesting developments regarding my spirit relationships with Gerarian and The Traveler. Some of those developments are quite recent and I am still not 100% what I think about everything.

So, as a lot of people have said in their own blogs, this year has been something else. Next year I know things will continue. The Morrighan hasn’t said yet, but I know that there will probably be some things for my path she will be directing me on soon. Oh boy, I can’t wait.

Run to You

My heart hurts. I love this song so so much. Right now, in the middle of all my heavy duty shadow work, which is incidentally one of the reasons I have been missing from posting a whole lot here, I found Lacey Sturm’s album Life Screams and this particular song.

All I think about it, every time I listen and in between all the tears, is how much I miss her. I will never stop missing her either, I realize. I used to hope I would. I used to hope I could forget about her. But I know now that I will always love her. And that is okay. I can still move on while still loving her. I just hope she knows that someone out there loves her and will always love her and that she deserves to be happy with whoever and where ever she chooses.

Poetry

Felt like some poetry with my tags from my tumblr version of this blog. Not great, but something I wanted to put together for a while.

This Path of Mine

I am on this ever winding path through storm-covered flower fields to the horizon. There is lightning in my veins and storms in my heart.

I have mountains to climb and forests to travel. And while the mist may cover the path, the sun will shine through the clouds. The moon will be my guide and the stars will bring me home again.

The path through the woods may be covered with mist, but to be lost in the woods is to see the forest through the trees and to find my way again I will take the deep plunge off the cliffs and the waters will carry me.

The path is paved with flowers and through my hands I feel the entire universe around me. With flowers in my hair, I will dance along this path of mine that is built upon the ruins of old. I will follow the butterflies to the tree that stands in my soul.

I am a dandelion, I am the spark.

Anniversary Musings

Today is my sixth anniversary with Gerarian. Because of that, I think I have been noticing him a little more than usual. I feel and sense him more throughout the day than usual.

I almost always notice him at night when I go to bed because all the distractions from the day are gone and I can settle down to sleep while focusing on him. Now and then I know he isn’t there, whether it is because he is off with the kids or doing something else, he just sometimes not there with me when I go to bed. But that irrelevant. Lately, he has been around quite frequently, probably again because our anniversary is here.

I often try to spend the day with him on the astral or in my headspace on this day. It is part of my gift to him since I don’t do it hardly any other time. At night, while I am asleep, is different. During the day, because I have a physical mundane life that is difficult for him to be fully a part of since he is non-corporeal, it is rare for me to take off and spend time with him and the kids. That is why sometimes it is such a blessing to get a sense of his and the kids’ presences while I am doing something.

I don’t think I ever related why today is our anniversary. We are not married in this life. Past lives, yes; so in effect, we are married as he is my soulmate. However, I have never married him in this life. Partially because I never saw the point since we are technically married from many previous lifetimes. Though, I get a sense he may see that differently than I do.

So, today is not a wedding anniversary. It isn’t even the first time I met him anniversary. That was in November my senior year of college in a channeling session from a former friend after I had been told who my soulmate was. I wanted nothing to do with him then. I had started seeing my girlfriend at the time and I didn’t want my soulmate getting in the way of that relationship. I let him stay in my headspace, though, with my past life.

That first Christmas with him around I had got him a journal/notebook to write in. He is a bit of a singer/songwriter, so I thought it was appropriate. I remember him being a little startled that I got him anything since I made it clear I really didn’t want anything to do with him on a personal level. And later, when I integrated the past life he was with, I sent him away. He didn’t quite leave, but stuck around with some others who I thought were his friends but turned out to not be so much. But, eventually when other shit happened we made sure he went home to his current, hopefully to integrate.

However, thankfully, that wasn’t the case. He went back and started writing more songs. He understood I wasn’t ready, but I think it also hurt that I didn’t want him, even after my girlfriend had started seeing her non-corporeal soulmate. At some point during the summer after senior year, my girlfriend and college roommate realized I needed him. He was sent for in secret and hung around my girlfriend so they could gauge when I might be ready for him back in my life.

I began to notice little hints here and there. My girlfriend would channel him briefly during our text conversations and I noticed something odd in the way “she” responded. Too many eyebrow waggles and prodding about a certain band I listened to. And then there was the dream.

My girlfriend and I often would take little dream astral trips to each other’s headspaces at night. We were long distance so it was our way of seeing each other almost daily. Sometimes we would fall asleep there and eventually wake up to our own bodies in the morning and remember little fragments (my girlfriend more so than I did at the time). However, that one night I had a dream of laying there in a bed and half awake seeing Gerarian before me with a pair of damn sunglasses smiling at me.

The next night I brought it up to my girlfriend about the dream. She didn’t say anything right away about what it was. She was curious about it but she withheld for a moment what it really meant. Instead, we continued planning a little astral party get together with all our covenmates and our astral friends. She had been planning on slowly introducing Gerarian to me that night at the party, arranging a little rendezvous, but my dream and other clues began to change her plans.

Finally, she hinted and asked me silly questions about what I would do if he was around. I gave some response about probably being overwhelmed by it, but that I would be happy. I had finally started to come to terms with actually wanting him in my life. She responded that he was indeed around and had been for a few weeks. My dream had been in fact him having come into our room in her headspace to see me. She had scolded him, but realized it was for the best. And she channeled him to let me talk to him about things.

That little night became our little anniversary date. And that was six years ago. It is somewhat surprising to realize it has been that long. It took me over six months to realize I wanted to be with him after finding out he was already mine. It actually sorta reflects part of our first couple lives together that you can read here at Mara Part 1 (be sure to read Part 2 as well) and here at Alyce Part 2 and Part 3 (Part 1 is more that life’s childhood and nothing about him). But in those lives, I didn’t get together with him right away either.

I may, a bit later tonight after I get more work done, go spend time with him in the astral. Even though he never insists on it, I know he likes when I can spend time with him and the kids. Sometimes I think he has things planned, and while I don’t remember everything (or anything) we do during those times, I know we enjoy it because I always come back quite happy and content.

Despite there being quite a lot we are unable to do together because of his incorporeal state, I still love what we have. I wouldn’t give it up for the world. And on this day, I am reminded quite a lot about what I love about it and him. He is quite a patient fuck, somehow, and puts up with a lot from me. I love him. Happy anniversary Gerarian. ❤