Little More Confidence

I took a trip to the New Age shop I applied at today to check on my application. I also decided to get a reading from one of the psychics, John, who has also been a mentor for me these last few years of developing myself psychically.

One reason for this is because, despite saying I feel like I am on the right track, I just need some more confirmation on it. There is always that little bit of doubt still, despite trusting that it is the correct decision.

Interestingly enough, a card flipped over during my shuffling and it showed back up when I split the deck for him to pick back up before laying out the cards. In became the very first card in the spread and John told me that I was making the right decisions. Another card popped up that was indicating my doubts about whether I was doing the right thing, but the fact that the first card was so prevalent and the Judgment card also appeared, he said it was a good sign. The reading also indicated a new gift was coming my way and with everything that I am planning to do, that is probably a good thing. I am not sure what it will be, but overall I feel a lot more confident about the direction I am planning on taking.

It definitely isn’t happening in the next year, but things are currently looking like I am taking the right steps in planning for it to happen in the next few years.

Now I am working on doing quick little daily tarot draws to build up my skill there again. I won’t necessarily post them here at all, but I do think I want to post my weekly and monthly pulls again soon. Again, I need more practice and this would be a good place to start. Eventually, I will probably offer some free readings again. It has been quite a while since I have actually offered any.

So, anyway. Just trying to be sure I write something each week too. I am looking forward to a lot of fun time with my friends tomorrow to celebrate our birthdays.

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Integrating the Spiritual and Mundane, Goals to Work Toward

I mentioned previously in this post about how I am wanting…no. It is more of a need to be completely honest. There is a need to more fully integrate my spiritual work with my “mundane” work. I cannot do that teaching English Composition. I mean. I can incorporate little things here and there that bring my magic and craft into teaching English, but not the way I need to be doing.

Getting a job at the new age shop would be a start. If they call me back, that is. But I need to do more than just that. With the potential cutbacks I have been hearing about with my teaching job, I need a part time position for sure. But in the long run, I need to take other steps to bring my spiritual/metaphysical life to the forefront.

I have dedicated a little over one-third of my life actively to my spiritual development. It has been more than just to be a better person. I see that a bit more now than I used to. I used to think that I could compartmentalize these areas of my life, the mundane and the metaphysical. But I don’t think that is what I am supposed to do anymore.

A few years ago, I had gotten a reading from a psychic at the new age shop I am currently applying to work. She actually sort of surprised me. While I really do enjoy doing readings and taking psychic development classes, I never have really felt all that confident in my abilities. Maybe that is partially still a remnant of what I went through in college with my first coven and how we were and weren’t encouraged. But this psychic told me that an opportunity would present itself in the coming years to take a step into doing what she does. She actually told me something like, “You should be giving me the reading” or “You could be doing what I am doing.” She had asked me how seriously I was taking my development and that essentially the choice would present itself on whether I would take it to the next level and pursue things further. She had mentioned that when that time came, my choice would be clear.

It definitely made me think. I have occasionally looked into taking classes from a nearby spiritualist camp that offers certifications in various fields of psychic study. Nothing really has come of that though. It is just every now and then that I actually look up things there. But still, the seed was planted then with that reading. Maybe I could do that or at least do readings like that gal had told me I could.  Yet still, I have never really done anything. The choice hadn’t fully presented itself.

If feels like that time has finally come. In some way, little by little, things have come up that made me realize that keeping my spiritual and psychic life separate from my mundane hasn’t been fulfilling enough. It is part of what has been making me feel so stuck. Getting passed up for a full-time position yet again, shadow work, and just general contemplation have all made me start to realize that I want to do something more with my life. I need to integrate both sides of my life. I can be very good at compartmentalizing, but that isn’t working for me anymore.

I can be open about my spiritual stuff with several of my work colleagues, but I can’t truly bring that side of things into my job. I love teaching and I love writing, but I am realizing that writing is not what I should be teaching. I should certainly be writing and I should certainly still be teaching. But teaching writing is not where my path is leading anymore. It is a means to an end now. It is something to give me the chance to build up some stability while working toward a new goal that will allow me to let me spiritual psychic side be more prominent.

I had been thinking recently about my numerology again. My life path/struggle number is 4. Four is a number of stability. My mentor in psychic development describes the life path number as being something we struggle with in this life more than anything. I wouldn’t necessarily say I struggle with finding stability in my life. At least not always (though financially speaking that has been recently more of a struggle). But my struggle is with being complacent in places that are too stable. Unless something shifts the status quo enough, I will sit complacently by and pretend I am satisfied with things, even if I am not.

I have been pretending for a few semesters that I am happy teaching. I get my classes, so I am happy because I get the paycheck to help pay for my car and other things. My shadow work this past year started really showing me how that it is mostly just being complacent in my position. Sure I apply for full-time. Sure I could see myself teaching full-time, more or less. But it is complacency and not actual job satisfaction or happiness.

I need the Storm. I need the Tower to come tumbling down to often realize when I am being too complacent in my life. I have too often let myself compartmentalize when I shouldn’t. I have too often let myself continue down paths that do not stimulate my creativity or challenge me.

That Storm that is coming in my path needs me to no longer keep my mundane and spiritual life separate. That isn’t the balance in my life that I need. I need to integrate them so that they are one. That is the balance I need. That is part of what I have been seeking for the last few years.

Whether or not I get the confirmation signs I asked for, I know deep within that I cannot continue separating out my mundane and spiritual lives like this forever. I do not know for certain if this is what the Morrighan has been pushing me towards all these years or not, but I am making a decision for myself to push toward something that will be more appropriate for my continued soul development. Because I don’t need to know if this is what she wants from me anymore and I don’t necessarily need her permission to pursue it. Always waiting for her direction has gotten me nowhere and I know that isn’t what I was supposed to be doing anyway.

Something that I have wanted to do for years is have my own bookshop. When I was much younger I always imaged a full theme-park style bookstore with different historical eras and stuff. Way impractical, but the child I was back then thought it would have been awesome. The more practical 30-year-old adult I am now is much more inclined to par that bookstore down. But the idea has floated in my head for years, and as I think about ways to integrate my spiritual life into my mundane I am definitely thinking a metaphysical/new age book shop is what I want to work toward. I know it isn’t an easy task and I need a plan. Hell, it may not even be totally viable option in the long run and it will be a risk. The 4 in me isn’t fully a risk taker and is scared at that prospect, but I need to take that risk. I need that challenge.

I can’t keep putting my life on hold for things that might be. Because that is almost what I have been doing for the last few years of my life, putting my life on hold because this or this might happen so why bother trying. They might not. Having goals to work toward help keep hope and faith in this world often times. Sure, setbacks on those goals can cause us to doubt and lose a little faith, but I haven’t had anything real to work for in so long…or really ever honestly. That lack of a true goal has left me feeling stagnant and stuck on my path for so long. More so than I probably ever have admitted. But this new goal, this new potential path, gives me some direction again, some hope. It gives me the challenge I have actually been looking for in my life.

So, I will be making plans and taking steps toward something that I have wanted to do for years. I don’t know how much I will actually talk about those things here on this blog, but maybe periodically. I am looking forward to the potential growth this may offer me. For the first time in a while I am looking forward to something in my life. It isn’t just me going through the motions anymore and I feel like I can breathe again and that I do have that hope again that I have been missing.

Psychic Development Class 7.23

Last night my roommate and I went to our psychic development class. While we both detest a certain individual who shows up all the time, we still enjoy the class and like to go.

The week before I had gone alone and we had done a crystal game. Part of it relates to getting a feel for crystal energies but it also relates a lot to developing the ability to send and receive information from another almost telepathically. I enjoy the game but last week and this week we started out with a bunch of crystals rather than starting with a few and building up with more. So needless to say, most of us in the class were having a hell of a time doing it both weeks.

Anyway. That really isn’t what I wanted to share about this week’s class. After we had finished with the crystal game, we still had about half an hour before class finished so John had us circle up and give messages in a group. Now, with the individual my roommate and I hate (mentioned here), it is really difficult to do these kinds of message circles because he tends to usurp everything. However, he wasn’t nearly as bad this week as he has been in the past, but they are still awkward circles with him.

I have found that if I focus on one person it sometimes helps, so I focused on the woman next to me and I immediately started getting the impression of a grandmother figure. For me, she appeared on my right side and I associated that with a maternal grandmother being as on my family tree my mother’s side is to the right. I also got an indication of her having had cancer. But despite getting these impressions I didn’t say anything right away because I don’t usually make any connection with persons on the other side like that so it took me a bit to say anything.

Finally, I addressed her and asked about a grandmother in spirit and in particular one she was close to. Yes. Was it her maternal one? No. Hmm. Did one of them have cancer? Yes, her paternal grandmother. Was that one like a mother to her? Yes, she helped raise her after her mother died. Okay. There we go. In some ways what I got was right, the deliverance of the information needs work I suppose, but there was something there. And message-wise, at the time, I had nothing but a hello from her and we left it there.

Then I decided to focus on the Pauls (a father and son who show up to class all the time as well). Like before it took me awhile to say anything and I let my roommate give a message or two as well as Grant rambling on about what he thought he needed to say to people.

When I did say something to the Pauls I asked if they had a connection to the Carolinas and they did. The father had been from North Carolina and they had a lot of family from there. Another correct impression I got. I had also got the idea of a Sadie…or rather Sadie Hawkins dance for the younger Paul. I interpreted it as an offer coming his way from someone and it would be best for him to take the offer as it would good for him. His father seemed to agree so there was that.

I don’t know. It was nice getting some confirmation about information I was giving, even if it didn’t amount to much. Usually I have a hard time in the circle trying to get anything, especially with Grant there being a creep. It just seems like maybe there has been progress with my development since devoting myself to the Morrigan. 🙂

Psychic Development Class and Crystal Meditations 5.16 and Musings on My Reading Style

(This may be a day for several posts)

Psychic Development:

Yesterday, my roommate and I went to our psychic development class. Thank goodness that Grant was not there. He finally moved apparently (he’s been in the process of moving for the past year so I can never be sure he’ll actually be gone).

We circled up again, and without Grant this would probably be okay, but we had five relative newbies in the class. It is always easier when John is out of the room because people are a little less nervous then.

There were a few messages given that class before the big circle and within in it. One new gal tapped into John’s niece stopping in to say hello. Since his mom wasn’t there like she usually is I would take that to mean he needed to tell her when he got home. But, anyway. A couple of the new gals who were family did a really decent job. The other three were still more hesitant and nervous.

We paired up after the large circle and I sat with the teenage girl that came with her mom and aunt. John let us use cards so she went out to get the Spirit Wheel (?) Meditation Deck to work with because she had it at home. I had my own cards and read for her.

While I didn’t get much of a message from her (other than a card mirroring the idea of delegating responsibilities relating to a bitch fest I had with my friends and roommate about our cancelled high school reunion due to poor planning and delegation), I tried to be encouraging and making things more comfortable for her. She was nervous and only a sophomore right now. I was able to give her a message about fostering her joy and happiness (The Sun card) and if she works hard and is focused (8 of Pentacles) then she’ll be able to reach her goals and get to go to the college of her choice in the Sunshine State.

The Musing Part:

I have been trying to do different things in this class to figure out what way is best for me to read. This time I tried to have my guides come forth more (during the circle) to help give a message and identify the source, but it didn’t work as well. Perhaps, it is due to not having worked with them much recently and I need to start working with them all again on a more consistent basis.

So far though, I have noticed when I use my hands to touch theirs (if they are okay with it), I can sometimes get more information to give them a better idea of what is going on. My palm chakras are quite open. It is where I sense my own energy the most, where I can project a great deal of energy as well. They were opened before I did Reiki and I think after that they became even more open. So if I am able to touch my hands to theirs I can generally pick up on a lot more.

I tend to work with colors in readings a lot. It is one of the first things I can see clearly in my mind’s eye. Sometimes words are there. And once I was able to just feel her energy around me to read it. But if I use my hands it is easier for me to get all of that information together rather than trying to just get information from thin air. It may be something I’ll need to do more often to get more consistent in my reading styles.

Crystal Meditation:

This was his first time doing this meditation and it was quite nice to have a change in some of his classes. This one was on Amethyst, one of my favorite crystals. It is really a great multiple purpose stone for me honestly.

He went over the basics of what the crystal is and is used for. We got in a discussion about how the energy works in general if it is a tumbled stone versus a point or a cluster or a raw stone. There was also mention of how to cleanse and everything.

We each got one of the dollar stones as well to sit with in meditation. John had brought a large amethyst cluster that state in the middle to increase the energy as well and then we sat down for the actual meditation.

For whatever reason, this time the energy of the amethyst was a little more intense than I am used to. It was nice while in meditation and not overpowering by any means, but afterwards I felt a little wonky for a while. Part of that was also because I think I needed to eat, but part of it I owe to the meditation. I didn’t ground myself well enough or eat soon enough to counteract how high the vibrations of the amethyst can be. But it was still a great experience. I seriously look forward to the other crystal meditations he’ll be doing.

Psychic Development Class 5.7

Warning: Long rant ahead…

Yesterday, I went to my psychic development class. It is the end of the semester so I have more time again to start going. Plus, I need to get out of the house more.

I felt the need to go this time because of the crap I have been getting from the Morrigan. She is currently quite insistent that I make this decision and that it will be for my own good. It may push my comfort zone but it will be good for my development in the long run.

Well, class started out well enough. A lady who is fairly regular was back for the first time in months and announced she would be moving and would miss us all. She has a lot of questions about what happens after we die and what pets have to do with that cycle. She also asked about transgender people and how they fit in. It was actually a quite interesting discussion, and while it ate up some time from a longer meditation we could have had, it is still a good beginning of class. Until he showed up.

Continue reading

Dream Log 5.6 and Something Else

I wasn’t initially going to post about my dream last night since I started forgetting it, but things changed. There seemed to be something hidden there that related to another thing I was going to write instead. This dream isn’t too long to relate as most of what I dreamed did get forgotten, but here it is.

The Context:

Nothing unusual before bed. Watched Riddick with my roommate before heading to bed. Then I watched two episodes of Heroes in bed and then listened to my relaxation music to drift off. There may have been some brief chit chat with the Morrigan too, but yeah. That might have been earlier in the day.

The Dream:

It is dark out, nighttime but there is no moon or stars. I go inside this hut/cave/building where I am. It isn’t a definite cave, or house. It is just there in the middle of the beach with a wide entrance like a cave. I am with someone else, maybe two others, but definitely one to start.

We are looking for something, but I don’t know what. There are no real rooms in this cave-like building. I walk to the back and there are stairs. My partner goes up the steps to investigate there. It is dark here, but there is still a source of illumination that allows me to see around.

Something happens. Something is attacking from the outside and there is someone new there. My partner is still upstairs and this man is someone new and he is wanting to help. Or maybe he is my partner?

I noticed the walls. They are like opaque-black glass and there is now a crack in the wall. I run my hand across it. It is not a good sign, but this place hasn’t shattered completely yet.

The new guy hears something and runs outside. I follow. There is something there and he goes around the building to find it. He possibly fights it but I don’t recall as the details faded away. But I remember this point seeing out and noticing the shoreline and the water lapping up on the beach where we stand. He is standing with the water around his ankles.

There is another dream, but I recall little of that dream…

The Commentary:

I wish I could remember more of my dreams, particular when they have interesting aspects to them or they leave me in the morning with those feelings that I know that dream was damn interesting and I wish I could remember more. But I think I recall, either in the dream or upon waking or maybe just a thought passing as I wrote this, that it relates a bit to a discussion with the Morrigan recently maybe yesterday before bed or earlier in the day. Continue reading

Laying Out the Cards: A Look at My Divination Collection

I decided to pull out all my divination things the other days because I had the urge to look through them and use something. I decided to lay them all out and take a picture of them instead of really doing any divination though. So here is a picture of all my divination supplies.

So from left to right: my black scrying magic mirror I made a few months back, a cherry quartz point that I got to act as a scrying crystal but don’t really use as such but I figured I’d still put it here, a smooth piece of flat rainbow obsidian for scrying, lapis runes, silver and gold painted clay witches’ runes, a pendulum cloth with two pendulums (quartz and labradorite), a dark labradorite crystal sphere for scrying and  mostly focused on past life scrying, a small onyx/mother of pearl pendant to scry with as well (I have a lot of scrying related things but I don’t often do it >.<), Magical Times empowerment oracle cards, Wisdom of Hidden Realms oracle cards, Magical Unicorns oracle cards, Magical Messages from Fairy oracle cards, Voices of the Saints oracle cards, Heart of Faerie oracle, Goddess Inspiration oracle cards, Crystal Wisdom oracle, Medicine Cards, Cup of Destiny tea leaf reading cup, Robin Wood tarot, Shadowscapes tarot, Deviant Moon tarot, Legacy of the Divine tarot, Revelations tarot, two generic learning tarot decks (one big and one little), and my Lenormand deck.

I only have seven tarot decks, so that isn’t too bad. The primary deck there that I use is Shadowscapes for my own personal readings but whenever I do readings for others I usually use the Revelations tarot because it has double images for reversed and upright meanings which makes things much easier to read. My oldest deck is in the blue knitted bag with the flap. It is quite large and difficult to shuffle but it was my first deck.

Oh no! I just realized I left a deck out. I have eight decks. One is a really tiny miniature deck of dragons. I have that in another bag to take around since it is so small and easy to carry.

I have a lot more oracle decks it seems than tarot. The Voices of the Saints is another deck I have had for quite a long time. Being raised Catholic and having gone to a Catholic college I figured having the saint cards would be a good addition to my collection.

I also have one other pendulum that is for Reiki work and another set of painted stone runes I made, but I did not include them since I had the lapis runes instead. My Reiki pendulum is just for doing work related to healing instead of general divination so that is why I didn’t include that here.

Anyway. Since I took the picture I figured I would show off my collection.

There are still quite a few Tarot decks and oracle cards I would love to get my hands on, but I think I have a pretty solid collection already.