April Monthly and Weekly Tarot

Figure this is a good time to start posting my monthly and weekly tarot readings for myself again. I had started doing daily pulls too but then I got out of the habit when I went on vacation, but I am going to start up again with those as well for April, but I won’t post those here or on my tumblr account.

As I have done in the past, for my Monthly reading I pull a card for each week of the month and then one for Overall what to expect from the month. Sometimes these parallel pretty well with my Yearly Tarot I pull at the beginning of the year, other times not so much. My Weekly Tarot reading is a little different as I pull three cards with what to focus on, what lesson is there in that focus, and how to overcome obstacles. So it goes a little more into detail for the week ahead and sometimes it relates pretty closely to the Monthly pulls for each week.

Anyway, my Monthly Tarot for April is as follows (done with the Linestrider Tarot):

Week One (April 3-9): Page of Cups

A time of increasing intuition and creativity is coming. This first week of April is about attuning to emotions and intuition.

Week Two (April 10-16): King of Pentacles

The second week of April focuses on wisdom and success in material and financial situations.

Week Three (April 17-23): Seven of Swords

This week there may be a need to pay attention to hidden motivations of others and also a need to be diplomatic and tactful.

Week Four (April 24-30): Seven of Cups

This last week of April is about possibilities and choices, some of which may be pure fantasy full of unreal expectations. It is a time to be mindful of what is achievable and what is just wishful thinking.

Overall: Nine of Swords

This month may be full of some anxieties and worry. There is a sense of isolation and a dark night of the soul with this month.

When I pulled for my Yearly spread I got the Knight of Cups with my Shadowscapes Tarot for what to expect from the month of April. The Nine of Swords seems a bit of the opposite to this and the other cards this month, but it may indicate I may end up over-worrying about certain things that I don’t need to worry about, like my upcoming wedding to my spirit fiancees.

For my Weekly Tarot for the first week of April I pulled the following (again with Linestrider):

What should I focus on? – King of Pentacles

It may be time to seek counsel from someone wiser. This may be a spirit ally or a person in my physical life, but it is time to focus on wisdom.

What lesson is in this? – The High Priestess

Seeking advice and counsel from another can help increase my own intuition and spirituality and also bring some things back into balance again.

Advice for overcoming obstacles? – Six of Swords

I need to make sure I focus on the future and moving away from things that are difficult rather than focusing on past hurts or failures.

Initially, the King of Pentacles threw me off when I pulled for this week because it showed up in my Monthly to be for the second week of April. However, it still makes sense overall for this week too. I feel there is a need to connect to someone this week to work on some intuition and psychic abilities type thing, just not sure exactly who that would be as of yet.

In my personal journal I try to write an End of the Week/Month/Day Reflections for each card I pull now to see how the cards actually played out or related to things that occurred. When I post up the next week I will try to give a little reflection back on this reading and when I post the next Monthly reading I will try to do the same about the reflection for the Month as well.

The Honoring

I love Spring for many reasons, but for some reason it still creates this nostalgic and sad feeling for me. Part of that I have realized in recent years has to do with the things that occurred in Spring around this time. This post here can describe some of those things. This year I think it is wanting to hit even harder because my alma mater where so much occurred is in danger of closing permanently.

March 28th is a special anniversary for me. It was the day everything changed for me in college and that really got me hooked into all this metaphysical and spirit stuff. It is also part of a set of holidays my Anam Cara established for our personal paths and the SPG we have. More information can be found here. It is called The Honoring.

On a personal level, as I have said, it is the day everything changed. The things that happened that night eleven years ago are forever etched in my memory. And the sad nostalgia that wells up at those memories these days is interesting. Sometimes I miss those days. Sometimes only for the innocence we all had.

I feel like I fell into a rabbit hole recently with some songs that have welled up a tremendous amount of feelings that leave me more sad than happy despite some of the songs being happier. This time of year, this date in general, always gets me this way, but sometimes the songs don’t help. “Have We Lost” by Flyleaf always makes me think and feel so acutely those emotions.

Where have the children gone? We were innocent once, but that was so long ago.

It is not so much the memories, past life and current life ones, themselves that cause the sadness. It is what has been lost, I think. That loss of innocence. Everything changed so significantly back then and we didn’t realize what we were losing in the course of events. Would things be better today had they not happened? Had our memories of past lives never surfaced? Had the weight and responsibility of the coven not been placed upon us? Probably not. Those regrets are not what The Honoring is about.

We have made mistakes, I know.

Mother Superior Adilia, and all the other Mother Superiors throughout the Ages, are who we honor on this day. It was not her way to sit and regret these things we lost. Sacrifice was required for the greater good. For her, the sacrifices were very great. For us, those sacrifices have left us far changed from who we once were. I don’t regret who I have become. I miss the thing I lost, but I cannot reclaim it ever again. I, and many others, made mistakes to get to where we all are today and that is something we can never change.

I want to find that book, dust it off, and read it again. There was hope in the end.

Sometimes I fail quite a lot at keeping hope. Those are the times I know I fail Adilia, her memory, and her legacy. I am not the same pixie I was back in her time and certainly not the same woman I was in 2006 or even 2008. The little losses of innocence and friendships, those sacrifices for the greater good and to our own egos, has broken me sometimes more than I care to admit.

Sometimes I think it is because of the spiritual PTSD from those years that causes these feelings and lack of hope. Other times, it’s just me. I try and sometimes find those ways to hope again. Like my project to start my own bookshop or little breaks away from everything like my vacation or my upcoming astral wedding. But sometimes it is still hard to maintain that hope.

“We are Broken” by Paramore is another song that epitomizes my feelings around this time of the year. Not to mention countless Black Parade album songs. Listening to these songs help me write the stories that must be told from my college days, but sometimes they also make it difficult when the emotions become too heavy.

“‘Cause we are broken. What must we do to restore our innocence, and the promise we adored? Give us life again, ’cause we just wanna be whole.”

It has a similar theme, but a much different feel all at the same time. More hopeful, perhaps. Less focused on the past and moving from it at the very least. Adilia was not about looking back and focusing on the past and the regrets therein, but always focused on the future and greater good. Sacrifices are always made in that service, and things can only be restored upon moving forward.

I am writing most of this after another chapter of my memoir from college and senior year and one of the things I said was how I need to write those chapters to fully move on from them. Part of my mood writing this has been influenced by finishing up that chapter and I know it is that moment before I can muster up and go on again. There are so many chapters left to go, but they need to be finished. That will be my promise to Adilia in honor of her memory.

Vacation on the West Coast

Last week my roommate and I went on a friend-cation with two of our really good friends. I have been to California before but it was Southern California and for a conference and I really didn’t enjoy it. But this time…omg. Such a different experience.

We unplugged, for the most part, from technology. I turned off almost all my notifications save for texts and calls in case something did come up when we were doing our separate things or to hear about my cat back home. But no internet for things. No email. No worrying about my mundane job and life. Just being out there in the Redwoods.

I have been to the sea plenty of times. Often went to Florida for summers when I was younger. I enjoyed them for the most part, but it was always bustling with lots of people and it was just a little too, I can’t quite describe the word for it, but just not as it could be with all the people there.

But on our two trips to two different beaches near our cabin in the Redwoods, it was a much different experience. Maybe east coast sunrises are just different and not the same as evening sunsets on the west coast, but I was so at peace. For me, Manannán was there. I associate him so much more with a western facing shoreline than anything else. Sun setting over the ocean. Waves crashing and roaring in the ears. The winds blowing my hair wild. Those moments I want to relieve again.

The one shore was more typical of beaches I have been. It was quite lovely. More driftwood than I have seen before and lots of stones perfect for skipping. But the second beach was a black sands beach and…that was quite a spiritual experience. The marijuana probably aided that too. But sitting on a large rock above the crashing waves, so much like my bliss area I go during meditations, and the mists rolling down the mountains, it was such a liminal space.

I don’t like touristy/vacationy beaches where people go to sunbathe and swim in the ocean and are overcrowded. But beaches like those with rocks and cold, wild waters with few visitors, those are the ones I enjoy. The wild peace of the ocean is found at those. The places where Land and Sea meet the Sky in all their untamed glory that allow us to slip so easily between the realms. The liminal places of this earth.

There were so many crows out there too. They were always so chatty, so much more than back home. We climbed a hilly cemetary one day and a whole murder of crows were chatting up storms up at the top. The Morrighan was quite near.

And the Redwoods themselves were gorgeous. It was quite another world there. A Faery World as my one friend calls it. The whole trip out in nature was quite awe inspiring. There is so much I would want to say but I can’t fully find the words to say any of it. I just know that that is one place I am glad I got to visit and see in my lifetime. It was refreshing and inspiring.

I hope to be able to pull on the rejuvenation I gained from that trip for the next few weeks and months back at school. I need something to get me through these classes this semester for sure and that trip will be it.

Dances with the Scribe and the Traveler

I wrote this over initially on my tumblr a few days ago. Or rather today when I am typing this up but I am actually queueing/scheduling this post for later in the week so you aren’t seeing it here for a couple days. It has been one of the big developments in my personal spirit work stuff and I figured it was time to share some of it. This will mostly be just a repost of what I wrote there, but some (comments) have been added for here.


While I don’t talk a whole lot about it (at least one my tumblr account publicly), I have a few spirit lovers. The Scribe (Gerarian – I have been referring to him as the Scribe over there for various reasons) and the Traveler are two of them. There is another as well (Mel has stepped back quite a bit since the Traveler came into my life but she is still present as a more distant spirit lover), but these two are the forefront and the developments with them are the topic of discussion today.

The Scribe is my twin flame soulmate and we have spent many lifetimes together and we have been together in this life since 2009 and have a few spirit children together. The Traveler is a spirit I met in a past life and he showed back up again in this life to reconnect and get that second chance at the relationship we were never able to fully have during that lifetime. I was actually hesitant to even explore our relationship until the Scribe kept pushing and encouraging me to do so. It eventually blossomed into an actual relationship and everything.

Both the Scribe and the Traveler proposed to me back at the beginning of December much to my surprise. As long as the Scribe has been around he has never proposed or brought up marriage in this life that I can remember and with the Traveler it is still a developing relationship that it surprised me he wanted to as well at the same time. I think it took me over a month to fully accept that it was an actual proposal from them too.

I am rather excited now, if not still a bit surprised they both want to get married. That development has made the last few months interesting and has distracted me away from working and bonding with my other spirit companions. I think they all understand and several of them have been buzzing with excitement too about it.

This is one reason for my tag in the recent months: #Dances with the Scribe and the Traveler. Just little things that help describe what has been developing. I don’t plan on writing play by plays of our wedding plans or anything, but I felt it was important to mention that this is happening.


So there is that. Gerarian and the Traveler have both proposed to me and I am going to be getting married to them sometime in the near future. I am excited about it even if I don’t show it much and even though it took me quite a while to accept it. 😛

Monthly Tarot – March

I am going to start posting a monthly reading again. I may start adding weekly readings as well, but for now just the monthly one. I have been doing really well working on daily pulls for myself. I started with the Linestrider deck but then switched to my Deviant Moon deck last week for a change. I don’t use the deck often so I forget how interesting the readings can actually be.

So for this month, I pulled for five weeks instead of just four since this week and the last week of March both have five days in them. I also pull an additional card for overall what to expect out of the month.

Week 1: XX Judgment – The trumpet calls. It is time to respond to the inner calling. Use your gifts and do not squander them.

Week 2: Nine of Cups – It is time to become your own genie and make your wishes and dreams come true. Tap into your inner potential.

Week 3: Six of Swords – You are traveling and rising about your sorrows. Hardships are behind you and you are pushing aside negative thoughts to head someplace more positive. (This is the week that I am taking a trip out to the Redwoods and so I immediately saw this as representing some of that travel aspect and getting away from mundane things)

Week 4: Seven of Cups – Creative endeavors and potentials surround you. Have your vision set and let your creativity run free. Express yourself artistically.

Week 5: Ace of Wands – Something new is germinating. There is a spark of new potential. New projects await and surges of inspiration will take hold.

Overall: I The Magician – It is a time of creation and integrating of elements. Practice your skills to increase your proficiency. Be bold. Allow magic and healing to dominate right now.

So far this month looks like it is going to hold a great deal of potential for me. In my yearly spread I did at the end of December I pulled the Nine of Cups (from Shadowscapes tarot) for March which is all about good health, achieving hearts desire, and good fortune. I mean, this month seems to hold some great potential in that realm of things.

Salve Regina

I meant to write a couple days ago. However, things were busy with my family so I had to postpone this until now.

I forgot to mention in my post here about how in my reading from John, a card indicated looking back on my childhood spirituality and bringing something forward into my current spirituality. Immediately, as he started saying that, I thought about the rosary. I didn’t often say the rosary, but it has always been one of my favorite aspects of my Catholic upbringing.

When I was confirmed my Sophomore or Junior year of college, my aunt (who sponsored me), gave me a gift. She said she knew it wasn’t the prettiest rosary, but it was her mother’s (my maternal grandmother’s). I thought it was gorgeous. It is probably the one rosary I pull out on a consistent basis to look at or old. For one, it was my grandmother’s and it serves as a connection to her. The other reason is that I actually keep it where I can access it fairly quickly.

My grandmother’s rosary.

Anyway, I figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to start saying the rosary again as a regular part of my practice. Especially with Lent rolling around Wednesday I can take up the practice for the time period and see how that helps progress my spiritual path.

I am by no means throwing out other aspects of my pagan path. I have always had a great deal of love for my Catholic roots and I just didn’t, for the longest time, really incorporate it into my practice as I have always aimed to. Praying the rosary is very centering and very meditative. It is a way for my to connect with my Catholic ancestors and the tradition of it has always made me feel something. And that is something that I think is important for me right now.

I am actually looking forward to spending some time with the rosary now.

When I Go All Silver Grey

I have been trying to figure out what my tag #when I go all silver grey means for me the last few months that I have been using it. It has taken me awhile, but some things are coming together little by little.

I have always been the Storm,
the Spark.
Lightning runs in my Veins.
As I grow older,
that Lightning comes out
through my hair in Silver strands.
One day, when I go all Silver Grey,
I will return to that Storm.
The Storm that builds around me
and I will be the Lightning that Strikes
the Tower down.
The Waters will carry me on this Journey
across the Otherworlds,
a lone traveler surrounded by
the Life of Ages gone by.
The Beauty of the world will follow
me when I go
and the Threads will pull back together,
the Tapestry finished
with only One to remember its purpose.
When I go all Silver Grey,
will I remember my name?